Fly Away From Here(UPDATED! 12-31-01 CHAPTER 13!)
by Gloredhel
Summary: CHAPTER 13 IS FINALLY UP!...after the controversial death in the last chapter, i bring you...THE WEDDING! PLEASE read and review...what you guys think really DOES matter to me.
1. Fly Away From Here

DISCLAIMER: The only characters I really own are Susie, Jack, and Matthew...as well as any other little characters thatmight be in there. Basically, anything you don't recognize from the movie. The title is also the name of an Aerosmith song.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, here it is. The entire "Susie" saga, from start to the very end. I didn't feel like puttin git in chapters, so the whol kit n kaboodle is right here under Chapter 1. I tend to think that'll make things easier for you guys.Perhaps I will continue it one day, but there's nowhere to really go from here that wuoldn't result in ANOTHER long story. I'll still write fics with ehr in them, only from different POV's i think. Anyway, the complete "Come Together" is in here, as well as a new story about Rafe leaving for the draft which has been posted seperately as "America". Enjoy! Don't forget to REVIEW!!!  
  
  
  
  
…There are those who will say that memories can remain to haunt a person 'til the day they die. The memories of old friends, old loves, and old experiences always seem to find a way to dig their way back into the back of one's mind and hover there- a constant reminder of something which we cannot get back. And so the ghosts of my past hide in my shadows and slink around my life as I struggle to move on, to forget all that I have tried so hard to leave behind, yet somehow cannot afford to lose.  
I grew up with one brother, an older one. Not by much though, he beat me into this world by only one year. In any case, we grew up close. I was so fond of Rafe that I almost idolized him. He was strong and determined, and always a lot of fun. Plus, he protected me. I was his baby Susie, his little doll that he could dress up for church or throw into the creek. We had fun, me and Rafe. And then there was Danny.  
Danny was my brother's best friend. Him and Rafe were inseparable since they day they met, before I was even alive. He loved planes, I'll remember that. Those two were never more 'en five feet away from a propeller in all their lives. Anyway, he was great. He watched over me, saw to it that I got my work done but had fun. Lord knows they pampered me, no doubt 'bout that!  
It was the Summer I turned sixteen that things began to change. Suddenly, things were different...or at least they seemed to be. Rafe and Danny got older, got more rebellious--and therefore, I followed suit. There were late nights of sneaking out, drinking, and smoking...but you know what? I'd never change the way things happened. I had fun those times, and, call it what you will, such so-called "defiance" was a thrill for me. Each night I'd wait for Rafe to wake me up and shove me out onto the porch roof. From there, it was no easy task. The job of getting to the ground was a mix of jumping, falling, catching, or apologizing for the unintended bruises of a bad aim. Regardless, it was those steamy July nights that changed everything for me, for better or for worse...  
  
  
"You know I meant to catch you, Suze," Rafe drawled as we walked down the dirt street to the side road where we often spent our nights.  
"Oh I know you did, but still-it hurts!" I responded dryly.  
"Come on Suzy, it couldn't-a been that bad," Danny said, cracking a smile and punching me in the shoulder.  
"Shows what you know, Walker," I said with a grin.  
"I know plenty, thanks."  
"Well then you should know enough to stop walking, because the road is right here."  
  
...Stanley Drive was an old dirt road which nobody really paid much mind to. Nobody had ever lived along it, and it lead to a dead end. But there was something special about that road, something endearing in the clearings by the creek and the sitting spaces under the trees from which you could sit back and watch the stars, that set the stage for enchantment as a wind of change blew through the air...  
  
  
The three of us sat by the creek; myself sprawled out on the grass watching the stars. Rafe was swigging a bottle of malt as he pushed the water around with a stick. Danny sat by my feet, watching Rafe with cynical amusement. I took a long pull off of my cigarette and sighed.  
"Something up?" Rafe asked quizzically.  
"Nah," I responded quietly, "I'm just thinking about things."  
"What kind of things?"  
"They're stupid Rafe, you don't wanna here 'em."  
"They're not stupid if they're worth thinkin bout Suze. Besides, you know I won't laugh."  
"Fine, but I swear Rafe McCawley, no makin fun of me! I was thinkin, are we gonna ever go into space? It's awful pretty from here, but I wonder what it's really like up there. ahh, shit...gimme some of that malt."  
"Take it, I'm gonna go take a piss somewhere."  
Rafe got up and stumbled off down the road. It was a long stretch, and knowing him he'd walk the entire thing before he realized he had even gone five feet. Drunk as an ass, he was.  
Still wonderin' about space, I lit another cigarette and saw Danny sit down beside me and recline against the grass.  
"That was a nice thought you had there," he said quietly, "Someday we might get to go up there and see it for ourselves."  
"Nah, not me. I'd be too scared," I retorted slyly, turning my head away from the sky and looking Danny in the eyes.  
"I'd hold your hand so you wouldn't have to worry..." he winked and grinned.  
"Why, do I detect some sarcasm Mr. Walker?"  
"None at all. You'd have to go with us."  
"Why?"  
"'Cause, Suze, look at them stars. They're so gorgeous...I couldn't let you miss out on something like that, now could I?"  
"Awe, you're sweet..."  
Danny lay out, and offered up his shoulder as my pillow. In the distance I heard a loud "ouch!"--Somewhere, Rafe had walked into a tree.   
"You know, I've been thinking lately," Danny began out of nowhere, talking quietly and shyly.  
"So I'm not the only one, huh?" I laughed, trying unsuccessfully to be funny.  
"No seriously, Susie, I've really been thinking. About things...and how they change...a lot..." He paused and squeezed my shoulder with his hand.  
"This feels right. This--being here, with you. It always has felt right to me. I've loved you forever, but never like this. You were always one of my closest friends, you and Rafe have been the best...but now it's more. I feel like we connect and I'm sorry if I'm scaring you but dammit I need to know if you feel the same about me. Things have been gettin' different Susie, and I can't help it anymore. I'm fallin for you. I'm sorry."  
"Why are you apologizing?" I asked softly.  
"'Cause I shouldn't be tellin' you this, puttin' you through this. You deserve better 'en me. I know that. You should want better, too."  
"I know what I want, Danny."  
"And what's that Suze?"  
"I want you to hold my hand, like you said you would."  
Danny took my hand and held it tight, raising it to his lips and kissing it gently. Suddenly I felt warm--this was right. I had always needed Danny, but never before like this. I held his body to mine and lay there, burying my face in his neck. It was warm and a 'lil bit sweaty...it smelled good, kinda musky but sweet. He held me tightly and I felt his breath on my ear.  
"Danny?" I asked, barely above a whisper.  
"Yea?"  
"Lemme see your face?"  
He pulled his head away from my shoulder and looked me square in the eyes. The lamp we had brought with us illuminated his deep-set brown eyes as I took his face in my hands and pulled it close to my own. Slowly, I ran my lips over his facial features, tastin' for myself what I had been wanting for so long. Suddenly, I heard him sigh and grip me tighter, and before I knew it I had kissed him.   
It only lasted for five seconds, but our lips pulled away he hugged me to his body and we lay there in the grass, breathing in each other's aura.  
"Guys!" a drunken Rafe called from down the street, "I'm just gonna go sleep down the street by the big tree...thingy...big...thing...ahhhhhhh, you know what I'm talkin 'bout..." and off he went.   
I kissed Danny again.  
"You sure you want this Suze?" he asked me, cupping my face in his strong palms.  
"More sure than I've been about anything else in my life, "I sighed, pulling off his shirt and kissing him deeply.  
  
...That night I gave Danny all of my love, and he gave me all of his. It was beautiful, the way I'd always hoped it would be. Afterwards we fell asleep, not caring if we didn't return home until late. I decided then and there that I loved him, and as I drifted off to sleep in his arms I dreamed about our future...  
  
  
The sunlight shone down on my closed eyes, and warmed my face.  
"Wake up little Susie," Danny sang into my ear quietly, nuzzling my neck.  
"Lord, Danny, what time is it?"  
"About seven, but we don't have to leave yet. I just wanna lie here with you."  
"Should we find Rafe?"  
"WHAT IN HELL?!" Rafe bellowed as he stumbled upon Danny and me, still in a hangover but in the right state of mind to see what was going on.  
"Rafe I can explain," Danny began.  
"Nah...No don't," Rafe drawled, holdin' his head, "I figured this'd happen sooner or later. But she's my girl Walker, and if you hurt her--"  
"I swear I won't Rafe. I've always loved her, you know that...and now I just kinda love her more."  
"You can't help something like this from happening, but you said yourself you saw it was comin'," i offered.  
"Look Suze, I said you don't have to explain, neither of you do. I don't mind it at all! My head just really hurts, so could ya'll please help me walk home before I end up falling in a ditch and dying alone, covered in dirt, with the bugs?" Rafe whimpered, attempting to walk on his own.   
Together, like we always had before, the three of us walked home. Only this time, we were all a little bit more grown up. After droppin Rafe off at the drug store in town, Danny and I walked home, his arm around me and his mouth planted firmly on the top of my head.  
  
...My big brother Rafe meant everything to me-- he was my hero, my protector, and, in a sense, my entire world. Since I was a baby, he'd watch out for me and make sure I only did what was best for myself. Then there was the situation with Danny. At first, he seemed to accept it. He told Danny never to break his Susie's heart. Everything was just fine, as long as no hearts were broken. At least, everything SEEMED to be just fine...  
  
  
July seventh was the hottest day of the year, with temperatures soarin' over the 100's. My heart raced as I walked home from the grocer's, not only from heat but from my newly founded relationship with Danny Walker. Lord, everything seemed to be so perfect! And Rafe, Rafe had been so good about this whole thing. Any other guy found his best friend neckin' with his little sister would flip his lid. But not my big brother, no sir, he was wonderful about it. I looked up at the hazy summer sky and began to whistle.  
When I got home, Rafe was sitting at the kitchen table, eating some ice cream and readin' the paper.  
"Hey you,"I grinned, flopping down next to him and leaning on the table, "Whatcha readin'?"  
"Nothin'," he mumbled, not looking at me. Quickly, he took a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and resumed his reading. He didn't even glance up, not once.  
It was then that I realized we hadn't really spoken since the early mornin' that he found me and Danny together. Maybe he really was happy for us -- or maybe I was just imagining that he was.  
"What's this, chocolate?" I asked, sticking my finger into his ice cream and sampling it.  
Angrily, he grabbed it away.  
"That's mine, dammit!" he cussed, getting up from the table and setting himself down on the couch in the next room.  
Defiantly, I followed.  
"Rafe, are you mad at me?" I asked as innocently as possible, slowly sitting down next to him.  
"I should be, but I'm not," he huffed, staring at the wall as if he were trying to burn a hole in it with his eyes.  
"Then it's Danny you're mad at, isn't it?"  
"Suze, that's none of your goddamn business."  
"Yes it is, I have a right to know what's goin' on, especially if it involves me. Or Danny."  
"Would you stop talkin' about him like you two are married or somethin'?!"  
"You're angry with us both, aren't you...?"  
"Yes, yes I am. More at him, but I'm darn well disappointed in you."  
"I don't see why. I didn't do anythin' wrong."  
"He's my best friend, Susie! And you're my little sister! It just...defies all logic is all! If he hurts you, I can't be friends with him no more. And if you hurt him, I hafta be mad at you. Either way, I check out badly and it isn't even my fault!"  
"Shit, that's selfish Rafe."  
"I don't care, it's how I feel. I don't wanna lose neither of you but I don't even have a choice if something goes wrong."  
"Nothing'll go wrong though! We're happy together..."  
"You don't know that. For all you know he could be usin' you!"  
I lost it there. Crying, I punched him slack in the jaw and stormed towards the front door.  
"Susanna Rose McCawley, you get that scrawny little ass back here!" he screamed as I slammed the screen shut. I ran for the barn--it was the only place I could hide from everyone. What if Rafe was right...what if Danny was using me?  
  
  
...The barn was my safe place. Amongst all the planes and the clutter, I could just hide and be alone with myself. I could think 'bout everything that went on and have time to cry without bein embarrassed; I could have time to sort everything out in my mind without bein interrupted. That day, though, I just flipped out...  
  
  
Everything in the barn was a target when it came to my anger and frustration. I pummelled the wall, bearing down so hard that within minutes my knuckles were raw, bruised, and pouring out blood. I'd never been so angry in my life--I felt so happy with Danny in my heart, but then the only other person whom I loved so dearly was making it hard to believe that my relationship could be depended on. Crying and screamin', I heaved on, throwing myself hard at the steel side of the cropduster. Nothin' could be the same now -- I had screwed that all up.  
"Suze!" a deep voice behind me cried upon enetering the barn--it was Danny.  
Thank God he showed up when he did, because I was so exhausted and in so much pain that i felt my legs go weak and I fell to the ground. Luckily, his strong arms got there in time and saved my head from the concrete.  
Silently, we sat there; me bleeding, bruised, and sobbing, and him cradling my body to his with his eyes shut and his lips on my forehead. He knew what was wrong.  
"Rafe, right?" he asked quietly, brushing my hair away from my face with one hand and wiping my tears with the other.  
I nodded, trying to stop crying. God, I loved him.  
"What happened baby?" he whispered, care showing through his dark, deepset eyes.  
"He said you were probably usin' me. That you didn't really care. And that he was worried 'cause if we got messed up he'd lose one of us no matter what," I murmered, finally realizing the pain that Rafe had been feeling. He was right to be so scared, he loved me and Danny both and losing us could mean a lot of trouble for him. He was hurt and alone and I hadn't done anything to help him.  
"I'll talk to him," Danny offered, holding my hand gently and wiping the blood away from my knuckles. "I'll make him see that what we've got is real."  
"No," I replied, sitting up feebly, "I know why he's hurtin' and he's got his reasons. Lord, I love him. I love you both. But I hurt him bad, we both did, without meaning too. Mostly it's me, ya know? I'm his baby and he kinda feels like he has to protect me. I should talk to him first. I'll come get you later, though, alright?"  
He pulled me to my feet and kissed me.  
"Alright, darlin', but next time you come to me before you go and beat up this old plane, okay?" He grinned sweetly and cupped my chin in one of his hands. With the other he wiped the last tear from my cheek and kissed me lightly on the lips. "This is real, Suze, I'd never use you. I love you."  
"I love you too," I said, gently pulling away from him and running from the barn to my house.  
  
  
...Rafe was never one to cry. He'd hold it in until it tore him up inside, or he'd take it out on a pillow or a wall--but he'd never, ever cry, especially not in front of me. But that night when I went home, he was on the porch sippin' a beer and bawling like a baby...  
  
  
"Rafe?" I offered, approaching him slowly and finally sitting down next to him.  
"What is it," he sniffled, "Can't ya see I'm busy?" He held up the bottle as his excuse.  
"Gimme that," I snapped, takin' a swig from it. It was pretty damn good for cheap beer.  
A long silence insued. Rafe had forced himself to stop crying. I had forced myself to keep from crying. It was pretty damned uneasy. Finally, I broke the tension.  
"Rafe, I'm so sorry!" I blurted out, putting the bottle down loudly on the steps of the porch.  
"Damn, Suze, you didn't drink THAT much of it. i got more inside," he smirked arrogantly.  
"No, you know what I mean. I--we-- didn't mean to hurt you. I know it makes you nervous that you could lose one or both of us but this is real. we care' bout eachother so much, and it's not like we're strangers!"  
"I know, girly, but--"  
"No, let me finish. I love you both the same, only you as my brother and Danny as my...lover...and, well, I'd never intentionally let any hurt come to either of you. And Danny feels the same way. If I ever saw you in pain like that Rafe I'd kill myself, I swear it. So please, PLEASE, trust us. Be happy for me, please?"  
He looked at me with those big brown eyes and i melted. I cried again, and as I sat there sobbing into my knees I felt his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. Together we cried as the sunset, not in pain but for love of eachother. We would always be there for eachother, my big brother and I. I'd never lose his love.  
In an hour or so, we were still outside, finishing off another bottle of beer. once the fireflies were out, Danny appeared at the steps. Rafe stood up.  
I prepared myself for the worst, despite what we had talked about.  
"Rafe, I--" Danny began hesitantly, shuffling his feet and starin' at the ground.  
"Forget it Walker," Rafe smiled and winked, "I understand. Let's leave it at that."  
Rafe offered him his hand, and they shook on it, as if sealing their "truce".  
  
  
...The three of us sat there that night until well past midnight, revelling in the silence, the beer, the love we all felt, and the magic of the fireflies lighting up the fields with an enchanting green glow. Heaven didn't seem to be too far away from this porch in the fields of Tenny, where three angels fell asleep on eachother with dreams of what was yet to come, and dreams of what was past. Time went on, and Danny and I found us in a blissful state of euphoria. At night he'd climb through my window and just lay there with me 'til the mornin' when he'd sneak out but leave me a note saying he loved me or some such thing. Rafe became quite the ladies man, but both focused mainly on airplanes. I'd never been jealous of any other woman who looked Danny's way...I was more envious of those planes which took up most of his time. Then they decided that the U.S. AirForce might be a "fun" idea. .Sometimes I wonder why the boys even wanted to fight. What was so exciting about going off and leaving everything you know behind to run around shooting things? I could hardly forgive them for their wanderlust, but I did love them -- both of them. Danny and I had this agreement goin' where I'd write him once a day until he came home. I still do, but now I have nowhere to send the letters...and he's still not home. But it was Rafe who really broke my heart. He was all I had left, and he knew it...  
  
The night was clear and humid, with the crickets chirping as an owl hooted from a nearby tree. I was washin' dishes in the kitchen when i noticed Rafe sitting on the porch steps. Looking out the tiny window, I watched as he fingered a piece of paper slowly, looking down at it and half smiling. He looked scared though -- there was something in his face that I just couldn't read, no matter how hard I looked.  
"Hey there," I said gently, through the screen door. Startled, he turned around and smiled at me.  
"Hey Girly," he smiled, patting the step next to him, gesturing for me to come and sit by him.  
Closing the door behind me, I sat by his side. His hair was going in a hundred different directions from doin' chores all day, and he hadn't shaved in a while.  
"You're gettin' a bit messy there, Rafe," I smiled, shoving his shoulder playfully. He turned and grinned at me, his hazel eyes showing no sign of what was going on in his head. I could always read his eyes, but not this time.  
"Shouldn't you be in bed, kiddoe?" he joked, ruffin' up my hair with his hand.  
"Very funny."  
"I know, I'm the funniest darn guy you'll ever meet."   
"So why are you out here?"  
"It's just nice out is all. I needed some fresh air."  
"But it's so humid! Oh, I forgot to tell you that I'm runnin' errands tomorrow. Tell me if you need anything."  
I grabbed his pack of cigarettes from beside him and lit one up.  
"Those are bad, ya know," he laughed as he lit one for himself.  
"Hypocrite."  
"I am what i am what i am."  
"Gawd, i hope this heat lets up soon. I can't take much more."  
"So hows things with Danny?"  
"They're fine...I really love him, Rafe. It's good."  
"And he loves you," he paused. "I'm really glad you're happy, Girly."  
"Oh, i know it." I exhaled slowly, watching the smoke as it streamed out of my mouth and drifted away.  
"No, really. I know i don't always act it, but i like to see you happy. i hate it when things go bad for you. i care, i really do. I love you, kid."  
"You know I love you."  
There was an awkward silence, during which I remembered my purpose for coming outside.  
"What's this?" I asked, pointing to the paper.  
"I got in Suze."  
My heart hit the floor.  
"The force?"  
"Yup. We both did. Danny and I."  
I tried to look happy, to put on a smile. But I new the dangers fo the air force. I knew what could happen should we go to war. Hostilities were building up everywhere, between every country. America could get sucked into the battle as fast as anything.   
"You're happy for me," Rafe questioned, looking at me in the eyes, "Right?"  
"Oh of course!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms around him. "You've been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember!" I knew damn well I could lose him if he joined. He could get involved with the fighting and he could get shot down, or fatally wounded, or taken prisoner. These things happened often at war. Further, he was leavin' me alone here. I had never been without my brother, not one day of my life. I could hardly hold back my tears.  
"Girly?" he asked, alarmed. "Why are you crying?" He pulled me back to study my face for a hint.  
"I...I could lose you to this. Did you ever once think about that?" I turned away, hiding my eyes.  
"Aw, no ya won't," he laughed good-heartedly. "We're not at war, Suze! This'll just give me a chance to do what I love to do most! I've dreamt of flying for the USAF forever, since I was a kid."  
"And if the US goes to war? You're good Rafe, you know that. They'll send you out first. You could die."  
"I won't die. Even if we do go to war, I know I can handle it. I know it. Trust me baby, I'm not gonna let anything happen to take me away from you." He put his arm over my shoulder and hugged me close.  
"Rafe," I began, looking out at the barn where we had played as children, "I'm gonna miss you."  
"I'll miss you too, Girly. But I'll write home all the time." He smiled. "Now what say you go inside and make some dessert or somethin'? I think Walker's coming by in a bit."  
"Dessert is ready. It's ice cream, all on the table. I'm ahead of my time." I winked and smiled.  
  
...Sometimes I'd wonder about those two. Were they crazy? Was this REALLY what they wanted in life? They could stay home, Rafe could continue Daddy's crop dustin' business and Danny could work at his Pop's store in town, and maybe own it someday. Then things would be fine, everyone would be where they really belonged -- at home. "...But I'll be home in that plane..." Danny once said to me. If only he knew. If only we all knew. Life carried on in Tenny, we all pretended that the inevitable would never happen. Things went on as normal...  
  
The sun, unbearably hot, beat down on my back as I hung up the laundry to dry in the backyard. It was the beginning of August, the hottest month of the Summertime. The humidity stuck in my throat like a ball, choking me as i swatted wasps away from my bare arms.   
Lord, I thought miserably, wiping sweat from my brow, Let the Winter come soon.  
Two hands covered my eyes, and pulled me backwards.  
"Guess who," a deep voice whispered into my ear.  
"Why," i responded, grinning coyly, "I do believe it's my knight in shinin' armor, here to take me away from this place and my evil boyfriend."  
Danny spun me around to face him and kissed me lightly.  
"Ever the comedian," he smiled. "Here, let me help you with this."  
We continued to pin the clothes to the line, sweating in the heavy heat.  
"How's Rafe doin'?" I asked him, holding up an undershirt and inspectin it for stains.  
"You know him best, he's your blood," Danny answered, smiling at my perserverance with the undershirt.  
"Well, I mean...sometimes he doesn't tell me things. Like how he really feels. I don't know why, but I want for him to tell me."  
"Well he's like that, you know? He keeps himself all bottled up 'til the last possible moment and then he lets ya know what he's feelin'."  
"I don't think he loves me the same anymore," I said quietly, leaning on the wooden post and looking back at the house where Rafe was takin' a nap.  
Danny grabbed me by the shoulders and quickly turned me around. His eyes pierced into mine with a fierce emotion.  
"Don't you ever think that Suze," he said gently. "You kno you're his world. Everything in his life revolves around you. He cares about you more than his life itself."  
"Then why," I pushed him away, my eyes welling up with water, "is he leaving me?"  
"It's money. The air force will pay us for this. Let's face it...we're not the most succesful guys as of yet. But this can make us into somethin'. Rafe can come home an buy you a new dress and shoes an i can come home and marry you and buy us a big house somewhere. We need it. And I admit it's not just that. He wants to do what he does best. You know he's the best, you've seen him firsthand. He needs to put it to use. Or else...it's just a waste."  
He tightened his grip on my shoulders and leaned in.   
"Take a break, Suze," he whispered, planting his lips on my cheek. "Let's go do something...the night is young."  
"But," i winked, "it's still only daytime."  
Later, we found ourselves sitting by the creek in the dusky evening air.   
"So," he began nervously, looking down, "You gonna miss me?"  
"Of course," I responded, dipping my toes in the icy water. "I don't understand what this fascination with dying is."  
"It's not dyin', Suze. It's flying, up there," he pointed to the sky, at the first stars to appear, "and making a difference at the same time. "  
"Well what if something happens? How high can you fly with broken wings?"  
"It's more than that. I love this damn country, I got a lot of respect for it. And so I figure i owe it to America to fight for her. She gives me freedom."  
"Then marry her. She'll be America Walker," i sulked, only half-joking as I flopped back onto the grass and closed my eyes.  
"But it's not her I wanna marry," danny whispered, leaning back and putting his face close to mine. I could feel his breath hot on my lips. "She gives me freedom, but you give me everythin' else."  
He touched his lips lightly to mine and whispered, "You're amazing."  
"You're not so bad yourself," i cooed back, pulling him down to me as the rain slowly began to fall.  
  
**********************************************************************************  
...God bless America, land that he loved...  
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	2. Goodbye

...I knew that Danny would leave me sooner or later. Whether it be physically or emotionally, I knew it was inevitable that someday he would go. I was seventeen when he enlisted in the airforce, and there was one week left until he left for the base. Rafe was going with him to be in the force, and that meant I was losing two of the people with whom I was closest. So, seven days from the impending departure, I found myself having trouble falling asleep. It was about one in the morning, and all I could do was toss and turn, trying to forget that the one man I had ever loved with every aspect of my emotion was going to be gone in a few hundred hours...  
  
  
The trees crashed loudly against my window as the wind violently blew. I turned onto my side and stared blankly at the dark, colorless ceiling. Finding this hopeless, I sprawled onto my stomach. Useless. What was the point in sleeping? It would mean wakin' up to one less day with my Danny. I wouldn't have an identity anymore. In this little town in Tennessee, there would be no Susie McCawley without Danny Walker. It would be Cleopatra without Antony. Romeo without Juliet. And speaking of the starcrossed lovers, I would advise one to never read Romeo and Juliet while in the process of departing with one's true love. It can be very, very harrowing. Trust me.  
Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on my window. Three knocks meant it was Danny, and three knocks it was. I tiptoed my way to the window and let him in, leaves blowing in with him as the storm outside began to brew.  
"Did I wake you up?" He asked, sitting on my bed.  
"Nah, I couldn't sleep. I'm glad you came though," I replied quietly, not quite sure what to say to him.  
"Why not? Maybe you should read or somethin'...might put you to sleep."  
Eyeing my copy of Shakespeare's play, I violently shook my head.   
"I'm just a little scared when i'm by myself during a storm. I mean, i'm no baby but you know what it's like."  
"Yup. I couldn't sleep either."  
"Well why not? You should be excited, goin' off to do what you've always dreamed of doin'!"  
"I'm leaving you here. That's not too exciting."  
He stood up and walked to my desk, picking up a picture of the two of us a year ago. Silently, he rubbed his thumb over it, seemin' to take in every detail before he put it back down.  
"I'll always be here waitin' for you Danny," I whispered, walking up to his side and putting my head on his shoulder.  
"Aw Suze," he grabbed me up in a big hug, and ran his strong fingers through my hair. "You're my world. We can make it through this."  
"I know it, but whenever i'm not around you, everything gets so...dark. It's empty. You're a part of me, Walker."  
"Well then, you nevermind the darkness because I'll always be with you. I'll write you everyday, and call when I can. And i'll invite you up to the base every chance i can. you'll always have me here."  
"I love you," I whispered into his ear, "So much baby, so very much."  
"I love you too," he murmured as he began to kiss me. As we stood there, locked together in a passionate embrace, the rain began to pour outside. Lightning crashed out in the fields and thunder wailed down like a hammer of the gods.  
  
  
...That night, Danny stayed with me. He slept by my side as the storm roared on for hours...  
  
  
"You still scared?" he cooed as we lay next to eachother in my bed.  
"Nah," I scoffed, running my finger in circles on his bare chest, "I've got you here with me. I'm safe now."  
"You always will be," Danny said into my ear, pulling me close to him and kissing me deeply, his fingers tracing my face and body.  
I held him as close to me as possible and kissed his neck, feeling his muscles tighten in passion. He smelled of sweat--a musky, sweet smell that I could hardly resist. He let his body go crazy, and we spent the rest of the night in eachother's arms, experiencin' a euphoria unlike any other--a euphoria brought on by true love.  
He left before dawn, so as not to be caught by his father--let alone my parents or Rafe.  
"But it's still dark, darlin', don't leave me here now," I pleaded, pouting seductively.  
"Remember," he grinned, winkin' at me as he got dressed, "I'm still with you. Nevermind the darkness."  
  
  
...And so the time came for my boys to leave for the base...  
  
Together we slowly picked up Danny's bags from my floor and walked outside. Rafe's luggage was already in the cab's trunk and he was leanin' on the hood, waiting to say goodbye to me. My heart was already breaking, just lookin' at hima s he stood there in his uniform, lookin' all important. I ran to him and stopped short in front of him.  
"Now Rafe," I said, crying quietly and smiling through my tears, "Don't go crashin' any planes or anythin silly like that."  
"Aww Suze, you're still my little baby," he responded, his eyes, identical to mine, wellin' up though he refused to cry in front of me. He was always like that, always so strong in front of me, as though he were trying to hide thae fact that he too got scared sometimes.  
We embraced silently, him holding me as I sobbed. Finally, I pulled away and straightened his tie.  
"Now don't you look handsome?" I smiled weakly. "Both of you better get goin', or you're gonna be late."  
"Bye girly," Rafe said, kissin me on the cheek. "I'll be home soon. Expect a letter in a few days."  
I nodded silently, my tears running more freely. I turned to Danny. Lord, I couldn't let him leave me. But no, this was his dream. I can't interfere with that.  
He stood in front of me and leaned his forehead against mine, our noses touching and our eyes closed. His hand hand on my neck, he kissed me gently on the lips one last time.  
"Forever, Suze," he whispered. "Remember what you told me."  
"I'll be right here when you come home," I responded quietly, my shoulders gently shakin.  
Forcing myself to pull away, I watched as Danny got into the cab beside Rafe and shut the door. As the taxi pulled away, i waved goodbye and blew them a kiss, watching the car as it faded away into the distance.  
  
  
...Like that they were gone. Within months they had been transferred to the base in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. I got letters from 'em both every day, as they likewise received letters from me. Rafe fell in love with a nurse named Evelynn...but before long he was shipped off to England for a special mission. I was excited for him, but also scared. Soon after, I received a gentleman at the door who handed me an envelope. Rafe was dead......When somebody close to you dies, you shut down. Nothing's important anymore--not money, not friends, and not family--unless, of course, it was somebody in your family who died. That was the case for me. The honorable Rafe McCawley was dead--shot down overseas...  
  
The day was bright and clear, the warm southern sun beating down on the greened grass and a pitcher of lemonade resting on the porch as I hung up laundry to dry in the sideyard. Everything seemed to be going well, Rafe and Danny were off training. In fact, Rafe had gotten drafted into Britain's Royal Air Force, and right now he was probably shooting down tons of German bastards. Always the hero, my big brother.  
As I hung up a dress, I saw a man in a uniform approaching the house. Great, I thought, more damn news about the war. Don't they know I can hear it for myself on the radio?  
"Can I help you?" I called, walking up to the porch.  
"Uhh, yes'm," the boy responded, yanking off his cap and twisting it nervously in his hands. He looked very stressed. The poor thing couldn'ta been more t han seventeen. "Could we sit maybe?"  
"Sure. Could I offer you a glass of lemonade? I just made it about a half an hour ago. Fresh picked, too."  
"Sure thing, miss, but I should get right down to business..."  
"Aw, you make it sound so serious! So who got bombed now? Any surrenders? Any news at all? Dammit boy, don't' just stare at the ground, gimme your news so I can finish my laundry!" I smiled at him and gave his scrawny shoulder a good-hearted shove.  
"No, see Ms. McCawley, it ain't really good news," he said quietly. "It's about your--your brother."  
"What'd he do now?" I asked, exasperated. Rafe was always getting into trouble, playing chicken when he wasn't supposed to be.  
"He fought hard ma'am. That's what he did. B-b-but he's not gonna be doin' none of that no more."  
"What are you getting at?"  
"We lose lots of pilots everyday, especially when they're with the Brits' force. It couldn't be helped. I'm sorry."  
The boy got up and walked away. My heart hit the floor, the little bastard was lyin' to me--I knew it. Rafe couldn't be dead, I could feel him still in my heart.  
"You're lying you sonofabitch! Get your ass back here and tell me you're lying!" I screamed after him, shaking my fist furiously.  
The young man turned as he walked to his car and tipped his hat. It hit me then that it was true.  
  
  
...Every second of that day was spent in a flashback of good times with Rafe. And from then on, I'd suffer those flashbacks randomly. I'd be in the grocer buying some milk and suddenly Rafe would be throwing me in the lake. Or I'd be making dinner and suddenly Rafe would be tickling me on the couch until I cried. Or takin' me up in the crop duster. Or crying on my shoulder when he was scared for me and Danny. He was gone, but he stayed in the back of my mind...  
  
  
A week after his death, I received a letter that Rafe had sent me before going down. It read like this:  
  
Susie Q,  
  
Hey baby girl! I miss you a lot, but this is real exciting. I can't believe I got into the Royal Air Force! It's tough as nails, sometimes I just wanna go home and sleep. I shot down about five Germans today, you should be proud of me Suze. Everytime I go out there, I'm one of the few who come back. That makes me pretty damned nervous. So's I got to thinkin. What if something happens to me? I want you to know how much you mean to me. With Mom and Pa gone, there's nobody left but you. And Danny, of course, but you're my only blood. There's not a night I go to bed without thinkin' about you and hopin you're doing well back there. I'm not good at these things when they're all serious and shit, but I want you to know that I love you and I'll do my best to come home for you.  
Your Guy,  
Rafe  
  
  
That night I sat out on the porch steps and watched the moon glare on the fields. I imagined rafe sittin' next to me as he used to so long ago. One night in particular came to mind, after our parents had died in a car accident.  
I had gone outside and sat right there in the same spot and bawled my eyes out for hours. Rafe came outside to sit with me, and put his arm around my shoulders.  
"Suze," he said, comfortingly, "There's times when people just gotta go. And this is one of those times."  
"But I'll never see them again! They was good people Rafe! It's not fair!" I sobbed hysterically, crying into his chest.  
"I know, but God has a plan for us all, girly. And his plan for Mommy and Daddy ended this morning."  
"I won't ever be able to tell them i love them, ever again."  
"Yes you will, only now it's different. Now you're lovin' angels instead."  
"I'm so lost!"  
"Nah, you still got me here to guide you. You'll always have me little Suze." He wiped my tears away.  
"Rafe," I sniffled, huggin' him tighter, "You're the best. Promise me you'll always be with me?"  
"I promise," he whispered, pulling me to my feet a nd leading me inside to listen to the radio.  
  
Now, sitting here on t hat same porch, I crumpled the letter and through it into the garden.  
"Liar!" I screamed at the sky.  
Clenching my fists, I fell to my knees on the ground and sobbed.  
"I'm sorry Rafe! I'm sorry! I love you!" I cried out.  
  
  
...And as the breeeze blew the tears off of my face I knew that as I had loved Rafe in flesh, I was now loving an angel instead--and Lord, I'd never love anyone else as much...  
  



	3. Hawaii

…When Rafe died, a part of me died, too. His plane had been shot down in England over the ocean, and no body had been retrieved. I needed Danny then, to make everything better. He wrote me twice a day for the first month after Rafe's death, letters filled with grief and anxiety, and with an air of homesickness that I somehow wished I could cure. I sat around at home for three months, basking in my permanent vigil for Rafe. Then Danny's letter came...  
  
  
I eagerly rushed it inside the house-- Danny hadn't written in about a week and I needed his words to calm my nerves. My heart hit the floor as I read what he wrote.  
  
"My Little Susie,  
  
I don't know what's happened. Things here are moving so fast, and I'm longing for the comfort of home. But there's something I need to tell you, something I have to tell you because I care about you. I'm falling in love with Evelynn, the same Evelynn that Rafe was in love with. I can't help this, Suze, you have to forgive me. I still want you to come visit me in a month or so, I still love you too. I'm just confused, really really confused-and I need you here with me to help me figure this out. I love you Susie. Please write back.  
  
Yours,  
Danny"  
  
  
My pen had acid for ink as I wrote back, sobbin' the entire time.  
  
"Danny Boy,  
  
You can't love us both, you know. I'm still gonna visit you…but don't expect me to enjoy your company you son of a bitch. I loved you Danny Walker and you promised me you'd love me forever. And now this? Evelynn? RAFE'S Evelynn? What is hell is wrong with you? I think I may hate you Danny. I'm almost sure I do. I'll see you in a few months.  
  
Regards,  
Susie"  
  
"Stupid jerk," I muttered, tears streaming down my face as I shoved the letter into the mailbox.  
I had two months before I saw Danny again, and that meant two months before I met Evelynn. Hawaii would already be hot, but if I had my way I'd leave it scorched.  
  
…The plane to Hawaii took ages…or maybe it was just the anticipation of seeing Danny again. I did still love him, but I felt so betrayed-what if he didn't love me anymore? My mind kept wanderin to the night we first kissed, the night we first made love. He had made me feel so safe in his arms, and I had wanted it stay that way forever. But now, the future seemed so uncertain…  
  
  
I gazed out the tiny window at the water. Five minutes until landing, just five minutes until I came face to face with Danny. As we landed, I smoothed my dress out and put on some more lipstick, making sure that everything was in place. As I stepped off the plane, I put on my sunglasses and tried to find Danny through the glare. Suddenly, he was right in front of, picking me up and twirling me around. I couldn't help laughing with joy.  
"Oh Susie I missed you!" he exclaimed, setting me down but keeping hold of my arms.  
"I'm sure you were preoccupied, Danny," I cooed venomously.  
"You hate me, don't you?"  
"Well, let me think…hmmm…you only broke my heart and dishonored my brother's memory. Nope, no hate at all. Only love an' happiness here."  
"Please don't be so angry. We couldn't help it."  
"We? So now you talk for her? Speaking of her, where is that conniving little bitch?"  
"Suze, keep it down…I'll take you out for a drink and we'll sit on the beach."  
"Fine. But don't expect me to care about anything you have to say."  
  
...I will never forget Hawaii. I'm not sure if it was the beauty of the ocean and the mountains, or if it was the fact that I got Danny and Rafe back at the same time. I was only there for a few days, but it was magical. Sure, it was a little bit awkward between Danny and I when I first got there, but things like that have a way of working themselves' out...  
  
  
We walked slowly away from the airport, unsure of what to say to eachother. It seemed that once again, thigns had changed. Maybe for good this time-- and I wasn't sure I could handle that.  
"Where are we going," I asked dryly, looking straight ahead at the impending shoreline.  
"For some drinks, my treat," he shrugged, talking quietly.  
"Are they any good down here? Or is it all pina coladas?"  
"Nah," he laughed, his eyes crinkling up, "It's actually damned good around here."  
"I wanna meet your friends. Might find myself a prospective husband in thre somewhere."  
Danny stopped short then. My guess is that he figured I was serious, that I had made it final that our relationship was over. He looked a little scared and even angry, and there were some tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.  
"I'm joking, smarty," I laughed, turning and winking at him. Finally, his mouth cracked a grin and he resumed walking.  
In a few minutes we had arrived at the bar on the island. It was virtually empty, save for a few soldiers here and there. A carrot-top came up and patted Danny on the back.   
"Th-th-this your sister, W-w-walker?" he asked, smiling sweetly at me.  
"Nah, this is my...well...my fiance. From back in Tenn. Suze, this is Red," Danny responded, looking extremely nervous.  
Red got an awfully confused look on his face, but recovered in time to introduce himself. He shook my hand readily.  
"And wh-wh-what's your name, m-m-ma'am?" he inquired, grinning.  
"Susanna McCawley, but call me Susie," I answered shyly.  
"Shit Danny, is she Rafe's Susie?" Red asked, pulling Danny a few feet away and preparing to interrogate him. I could easily hear their conversation, though hushed, and the whole ordeal made me even mroe upset.  
"Yea she's his baby sister," Danny answered impatiently.  
"Does she know? 'Bout Evelynn?"  
"She does, and I'm tryin' to work this out."  
"Well who do you love more?"  
"Susie. I've known her almost all my life. But I can't hurt Evelynn, she's been through too much shit lately, what with Rafe dyin' and all."  
"Well think about his sister, don't you think she's felt the most pain of all?"  
"I'm thinkin', Red. I can't be rash about it, though, I just can't."  
I'd heard enough. Picking up my purse, I stood up and left the bar, not sure if either of them had noticed my departure. So he really did care about me more than her? That was good, I felt relief after hearing that. But still--why couldn't he just end it now? I couldn't bear much more pain, and I needed Danny to be there with me.  
I sat down on a bench in a garden and thought. Not really about anything in particular, just Danny and Rafe and our childhood, and what we had thought would be our future. Glancing around, I saw that Red was leaving the bar with a pretty young blonde. He and Danny had finished their little talk.  
"Suze?" I heard a deep voice callin' me.  
"Over here," I responded quietly.   
Danny approached me slowly and sat down next to me on the bench. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.  
"I'm sorry about that," he offered shyly, referring to the long discussion in the bar.  
"It's okay," I answered, nearly whispering, "I wasn't upset by it."  
"If I'm doing something wrong, please tell me?"  
"Of course you are. I f you really gave a damn, you'd tell Evelynn about me. You'd end it with her."  
"I know, but--"  
"Don't give me anymore excuses, I can't take the pain for much longer. I love you more than life itself, but i can't be put through this anymore Danny."  
I stood up and faced away from him, my arms folded. I told myself not to cry.  
"I love you too, Suze, more than you'll ever know. I just need time to make it easy on Eve. Tonight though, tonight I'll take you walking on the beach." He came up behind me and stood there wth his arms around me. He lay his chin on my shoulder and whispered into my ear. "It'll be like the old days. We'll just sit and watch the stars. Remember that?"  
"Yea," I turned around and held his hands, looking him square in the face, "I do. That'd be nice."  
"I'll pick you up at 7," he said quietly, pulling me close and kissing me strongly. I returned the kiss and then broke away.   
"I love you little Susie," he called as I walked away.  
Turning, I smiled and winked.   
"Love you too, Danny Boy."  
  
...I spent that afternoon getting ready. I knew that I had to impress him, but I didn't want to act too fake. Instead, I put on a sundress and a litl ebit of makeup, and I sat there at the table for 3 hours (I was ready 3 hours early from excitement), waiting for him to pick me up and take me to the beach, where we'd watch the stars together as we did when we were little...  
  
That night we walked along the water in silence until we got to the rocks overlooking the sunset.  
"I love you so much Danny," I blurted out before he could say anything.  
"I love you too baby, but I'm so confused right now…"He sighed watching me as I looked at the waves.  
"How could you do this to me? To Rafe? You meant everything to the both of us. And now that Rafe is gone, you're leaving me too!"   
"I'm always gonna be here for you Suze. You know that."  
"Yea, you're always gonna be here for me so I can sit and watch you and your darlin' Evelynn fall madly in love with each other."  
"That's not true! I can't tell what's best for me right now. It's always been you in the back of my mind, but if I leave Evelynn she'll lose something else, like she lost Rafe."  
"So this is all a charade, huh? All because you want to spare her her feelings?"  
"In a way…I mean, I care about her-just not like I care a bout you. She's one of my best friends, but you're my love."  
"Then kiss me again, like you used to, and maybe I'll believe you."  
Danny stood up and pulled me to my feet. As the sun set behind us, he kissed my forehead gently and then, as I had done nearly two years ago, he traced his lips over my face and finally kissed me strongly and deeply. I felt the same warmth that I had felt on Stanley Drive, and I nearly collapsed in his arms. As he held me and continued to kiss me, I felt the tears fall from his eyes onto my face. We lay down on the rock, lips still connected, and stayed there in an unbreakable kiss that lasted for hours. When we pulled apart, Danny pointed to the stars that had filled the sky.  
"Suze," he said quietly into my ear, his warm breath tickling my neck, "I'll still hold your hand so you don't have to worry…"  
"I'd like that," I whispered a lone tear rolling down my cheek as he grasped for my hand. In the background, the waves crashed roughly against the rocks and the breeze blew softly against my skin.  
  
…I stayed away from Evelynn that week, because I knew I'd hit her if I ever got the chance. But now that I knew Danny's motives, my heart was at ease. He loved me more than anything else and that was what mattered. And then it happened, something that would send all of us into the eye of the storm…  
  
  
I sat alone on the beach, knowing that in about a day I would be back in Tennessee, alone. There was something in the air that screamed of change; something big was going to happen. A cough behind me startled me.  
"Baby girl?" I turned around at this hauntingly familiar voice.  
It was Rafe. And he wasn't dead, he was very much alive and well-and standing behind me.  
"Rafe!!!" I screamed, jumping up and pouncing on him. I couldn't hold back my tears as I held my big brother tight.  
"Suzie Q, it's alright now. I'm ok, and I'm here with you," he sobbed as held me to him. I felt so tiny compared to him. My hero. He was back.  
"What happened Rafe? Are you ok? Oh Lord, I thought you were dead!"  
"My plane was sunk but I got out alright. I was bruised, but more 'an anything I was freezing. So I held on to some debris and a French ship picked me up, and here I am."  
"Just don't go away again, Rafe. I can't lose you again."  
He looked at me with big eyes.  
"Suze, you look so much bigger. I can't hardly believe my baby girl grew up..."  
"I've been real adult lately. Takin' care of the house and myself...it's been hard but I think I'm learnin responsibility."  
"I can't believe I'm hearing this. So you're a good reformed girl now, huh?"  
"Not exactly," I smiled and lit up a smoke.   
We sat there for an hour or so, just crying on each other. I told him about Danny, and he said he knew. He saw them sitting together. Rafe was angrier about that than I had ever seen him before.  
"He promised me in the beginning that he wouldn't hurt you. Hurtin' me was one thing, hurtin' you is the final straw," Rafe drawled coldly.  
Finally, he stood up and walked me back to where I was staying.  
"You go to sleep now Suze, you're plane leaves the ground at 7:30 tomorrow morning, don't forget," he said warmly as he tucked me in.  
"I love you Rafe. I missed you so much," I yawned gazing up at him through sleep-clouded eyes.   
He kissed my forehead and left to go to the bar and have some drinks with his buddies, who had missed him terribly.  
  
The next day, at 7:15, I waited on board my plane. Danny was nowhere to be found, his friends said that he and Rafe had fought and drove off somewhere in the middle of the night. I left him a letter, and one for Rafe, and knew that everything was going to be alright. Evelynn could have Rafe back now, and Danny would be completely mine again. At 7:45 we took off.  
It took about eight minutes until we were completely up in the air. As we left the island, two lanes whizzed past us. Only they weren't American planes, they were Japanese. Nervously, I stared out window and was horrified at what I saw. Bombs were being dropped on Pearl Harbor, guns being fired everywhere.   
"No!!!!!!" I screamed helplessly, "Danny and Rafe are there! NO!"  
I couldn't lose either of them again, yet what could I do? I couldn't get out of the plane, and there was no way the pilot would go back.  
Anxiously, I ran off the plane as it landed in Texas and sat at home, listening for news of the attack on the radio. It had lasted only three or four minutes, but we lost thousands. The phone didn't ring, the doorbell didn't buzz. I had no news of Rafe or of Danny and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  
  
Finally, the next morning, the phone rang.  
"Susie? It's Danny."  
"Danny!" I breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God you're okay! Is Rafe alright?"  
"He's fine, darlin', but I've got somewhat bad news. Doolittle wants us to go with him on some sort of secret mission. I think we're striking back."  
"But you can't! Danny, please don't go!"  
"I don't want to go Suze, but it's my duty. Now, if anythin' happens to me…"  
"Stop it! I don't want to hear this…"  
"You have to, because I love you. If anything happens I want you to remember me always. I want you to go on with your life, okay?"  
"Danny, I can't…"  
"Promise me!"  
"I promise. I love you so much, Danny! Is Rafe there?"  
"He couldn't talk over the phone, got too choked up. So he wrote to you instead, about 5 pages, haha. He loves you little Susie, a whole ton."  
"Tell him I love him too, tell him I'll be waiting for you both when you get home."  
"Bye baby, I love you."  
"I love you too, be careful!"  
  
…The Doolittle Raid was a disaster. At first, the US reined victorious and bombed Tokyo with merciless force. However, when they landed in China they were ambushed by a group of Japanese soldiers. Rafe almost died but Danny saved him. My Danny came through for Rafe and saved him. Then, when everything seemed to be okay again, the Japanese captured Danny and tied him up, leaving Rafe for dead. Rafe tried to save Danny, but the Japanese saw his plan. They killed my Danny, killed him right there. He had no chance to fight back, he was tied up. When Rafe got home he tried to hide the fact that Danny was gone from me. This succeed'. But only for five minutes. I saw it in his eyes. Rafe and Evelynn got married, and had a baby, Danny's with Evelynn. They named him Danny Jr., and buried Danny in our backyard in Tennessee. I never did fall in love again the same way that I loved Danny. Evelynn tried to find me someone, and eventually it worked. I got married an' tried to move on. But Danny will always be my truest love. And even now, as I remember that fateful July night on Stanley Drive, I know that he's still holdin' my hand so I don't have to worry.Danny's funeral was the most painful experience I ever went through. I had felt this kind of pain before, when Rafe had supposedly "died", but now I faced a future without a love, without a husband, and without a child. Things couldn'ta been more harrowin' for me than they were that year. But I had a friend to help me through it, and I found that friend to be the person whom I least expected to even care...  



	4. A New Beginning

We buried Danny in the sideyard of our house in Tennessee. Rafe moved back in after the war, and brought along Evelynn, whom he married. I was their maid of honor--what a laugh! To sum things up, Evelynn had Danny's baby, whom they named Danny, Jr.   
Evelynn sure was as pretty as Rafe had said she was. I envied her from the start, not only because of Danny. I had no reason to envy her for that--he had been mine, she had only been "comforted" by him, if you will. Anyway, I spent day and night by Danny's grave, especially during the early days of Summer, when we had first realized what we really meant to eachother. I went down there on the night of July 5th, the day that he and I had consummated our love for the first time, and laid a red rose on the ground. Kneeling, I lit a cigarette and stared at the engraving on the stone. The gray marble felt cold as ice as I traced his name with my fingers.  
"I miss you," I whispered, taking a long pull.  
"You wouldn't happen to have another one of those, would you?" A soft voice behind me asked. Evelynn.  
"Yea," I replied. "Have a seat."  
I handed her a cigarette and as she lit it, I realized that this was the first time the two of us were really alone together. Whether this was good or bad, I had no idea.  
"You must really miss him," she said quietly, placing her hand on the tombstone.  
"'Course I do. He was my soul," I responded, inhaling the soothing smoke.  
"You must really hate me. I'm so sorry that I caused you all that pain before."  
"It's not your fault I guess, you were hurtin'. Danny and Rafe can almost be the same person sometimes, I see why you wanted him."  
"I was just confused, that's all. I needed somebody and Danny was there, needing somebody too."  
"I know. You don't have to explain it to me, really."  
"No, I feel that I owe it to you. I want to be you're friend, I'm lonely here and so are you. We're a lot alike, Susie."  
"I could use a friend these days..."  
Smiling for the first time in months, I saw Evelynn in a new light. She was a young girl, like myself. She was naive, she was scared, and dammit who could resist Danny? I knew what she went through when she thought she had lost Rafe. I couldn't hate her after all.  
"Friends?" she asked, smiling hopefully.  
"Of course," I responded.  
She laughed happily and hugged me. Things might turn out to be alright afterall, I thought as we walked back to the house that night. Rafe was more than surprised to see us laughing and having a good time, but when he joined in and we sat on the porch to have a drink, things were like old times--we were all happy.  
  
  
...Evelynn and I did get close that Summer. We rarely spoke of Danny--not because we were afraid of the subject, but because we knew it'd upset us all too much. He remained in the back of my mind forever though. Eve was convinced that I needed somebody new to make me feel more complete, but I was unsure. Rafe, of course, agreed with her. She and I used to walk into town together every mornin' for groceries and shoppin, and one day I found somethin in a store that more than interested me...  
  
"It's damned hot out here today," Evelynn commented, stepping out of the pharmacy with her bottle of aspirin.  
"Tell me about it," I gasped, fanning myself with my hand. "We need anything else?"  
"Fruit. And why not get some milk while we're here?"  
"Sounds good. I'll get the fruit, you get the milk?"  
"Okay, but hold on, I need a smoke."  
In the months that had passed, we had become pretty dependant on our nicotine. See, back then we thought it was alright--no consequences! Times were tough and stress was hard to overcome.  
Once in the store, I headed quickly to the produce section. picking up an apple, I began to inspect it for holes or bruises. Suddenly, I was pushed hard and it flew from my hands onto the floor.  
"Shoot, miss, I'm sorry," a blonde boy quickly apologized and picked up the apple. "I'll get ya another one if it'll do?"  
"No, that's alright I think it's still fine," I said, inspecting him. He was handsome, in an airforce uniform. Shit, not another pilot! I thought, catching myself before I dropped the apple again.  
"What's your name, if you don't my asking?" he asked, grinning slightly.  
"Susie McCawley," I responded.  
"Jack Harris," he resonded, shaking my hand. "Hey, you Rafe's litle sister?"  
"Yes...did you fly with him?"  
"No ma'am, that would have been an honor above all others. But I've met him around, nice guy."  
"He's the greatest. Airforce, huh? Fight yet?"  
"No not yet miss. I hope to though! Must be fun up there, shootin down those damn Germans."  
"How can you even think--"  
"Well lookie here," Evelynn grinned, placing a hand on my shoulder before I got too angry with this poor boy, "Miss Susie, I believe you've made a new friend." She winked slyly at me.  
"Eve, this is Jack. He's in the force, but he hasn't fought yet. Jack, this is my brother's wife, Evelynn."  
The two shook hands.  
"Suze, darlin', we gotta be leavin now before the milk gets to be bad. Maybe...jack, is it?...should stop by and visit you sometime."  
"That'd be great, if it's alright with you miss? I know where the McCawley farm is..." Jack asked, fumbling around with his hat in his hands.  
"I suppose that'd be fine," I said dryly, walking away. "Good-bye?"  
He tipped his hat, and Evelynn hurried me outside.  
  
"He was simply adorable!" she gasped once were outside.   
"I guess so, he wasn't anythin' special," I responded, lookin' at the ground.  
"He wasn't Danny, you mean..."  
"I don't mean anything of the sort, he just didn't...I mean...oh, I just don't know! I did like him, he was cute as hell! But i can't give up on Danny--I...I just can't!"  
"Oh, Suze...sweety I know you think he'll come back someday but he can't! You have to move on and be happy again, he'd want you to--i know it. You need somebody to make you feel the way he did again."  
"How do I know if it's the right guy though? I could be foolin' around with a complete moron, and damn my love's memory forever. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt..."  
"Well, when we get home we'll do some laundry and figure it out."  
  
  
...That night, Jack came by. He and Rafe sat on the couch, smokin' and talking about the goddamn war most of the time. But I had to admit that there was something about that Harris boy that made me feel...well...the way I felt around Danny...  
  
  
When Rafe went to check on little Danny, Jack came up to me and asked me if I wanted to take a walk, just for a while to get to know eachother. I couldn't help myself--I agreed.  
  
  
"So you want to fight huh?" I asked him as we walked in the dusky sunset.  
"I think it might be...exciting," Jack answered boyishly, smiling at me. "I wanna be just like Rafe, ya know?"  
"Say, how old are you?"  
"Nineteen, and yourself?"  
"I'm eighteen, just this past month."  
"We're young-uns," he laughed, nudgin my shoulder jokingly. "Hey, this looks like a nice place to walk."  
I drew my breath in quickly,as he pointed at our destination-- Stanley Drive.   
"But--"  
"But nothin', a beautiful girl deserves beautiful scenery."  
We walked along the path until he suddenly stopped. Once again, I gasped. We were at the creek, where Danny had first told me his true feelings for me.  
"This looks like a nice place to sit," Jack said, resting on the grass by the water. "Come and sit."  
"Yea, it's nice. The stars are real pretty here at night."  
**********************************************************************************  
"...It's awful pretty from here, but I wonder what it's really like up there..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"They must be gorgeous. I think it's great you like to look at stars," Jack said quietly.  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"...That was a nice thought you had there..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"We should go back soon, it's getting dark," I offered starting to get up. "I get scared sometimes."  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"...Nah, not me. I'd be too scared..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"Shoot, Suze, I'll protect you," Jack drawled. "I'll hold your hand 'til we get home and you'll feel better, I promise."  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"...I'd hold your hand so you wouldn't have to worry..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
I looked around nervously, I couldn't be here, with him--not now.  
"Whatsa matter?" he asked nervously.  
"Nothing," I said. "It's just kinda creepy out here is all.  
"Come here, you'll be safer," Jack responded, pulling me to him.  
"Um, Susie?" he asked shyly.  
"What is it?"  
"Can I kiss you, please?"  
Before I could answer, my body just sorta lunged forward and I found myself kissing him.  
It was a nice kiss, not so passionate as the ones I had shared with...him. But it was nice. I pulled away slowly.  
"Are you sure this is okay?" Jack asked, whispering.  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"...You sure you want this Suze?..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't! NO!" I screamed wildly, crying. I ran away from the road aand back to the house, locking myself in my room before either Rafe or Evelynn could come and see what was wrong. I threw myself on the bed and cried.   
"Oh Danny," I sobbed hysterically into my pillow, "I can't live without you! Why did you leave me?? WHY??"  
  
**********************************************************************************  
..."I'll always be here waitin' for you Danny," I whispered, walking up to his side and putting my head on his shoulder.  
"Aw Suze," he grabbed me up in a big hug, and ran his strong fingers through my hair. "You're my world. We can make it through this."  
"I know it, but whenever i'm not around you, everything gets so...dark. It's empty. You're a part of me, Walker."  
"Well then, you nevermind the darkness because I'll always be with you. You'll always have me here."  
"I love you," I whispered into his ear, "So much baby, so very much."  
"I love you too," he murmured as he began to kiss me. As we stood there, locked together in a passionate embrace, the rain began to pour outside...  
**********************************************************************************  
  



	5. Someday

...For days I cried, alone in my room. Evelynn and Rafe both tried to make it better, but nothing would work. Even little Danny got in on the game of "Cheer Susie Up", imitating Rafe at my door. But it didn't--it couldn't-- work. I could never let go of Danny, I could never face Jack again, and I could never, ever leave the comfort of my room. I lit a cigarette and sat by the opened window, gazing out at the plains.  
"Susie! No smokin' in the house while Danny's awake!" Rafe yelled through the door.  
I laughed quietly, and continued to puff away. My mind began to wander, thinking about when Danny really WAS awake. There was no real complication then, there was no Jack...heck, there wasn't even nobody to be in love with in those early days. Lord, I missed those times...  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"Come on!" Rafe yelled at me as I looked questionably at him. "It'll be fun, he'll never know!"  
Rafe, always the "rebel" had decided to take Daddy's pick-up for a ride through the country-side. He and Danny sat in the truck, looking pleadingly at me as I made my decision.  
"Okay," I offered, "But if we get in trouble, I'm not taking all the blame!"  
I hopped in and we sped away, not even knowing where we planned to go. Cops were scarce around here, especially at lunchtime. Now, if there had been more police to watch out for we never would've gone. Rafe was never one to drive safely and neither was Danny. I'd never driven before, so I didn't have to worry. Or so I thought.  
They pulled the truck to a halt at the side of a long, barren road.  
"Alright Suze," Danny grinned mischieviously, "Get in the driver's seat."  
"What??" I squealed, holding myself down to the seat i was in, right between the two of 'em/  
Rafe got out and moved over to the passenger side, shoving us all down the line. The weight of the two bigger boys forced me to slide behind the wheel. Dammit, I thought, I'm gonna crash it.  
"Now put it in gear, you know how to do that, I've seen you practicin' before," Rafe pushed.  
I did as I was told.  
"Now push down on the gas and--"  
Once again, I did as I was told and we sped off down the drive.  
This wasn't so hard after all, I though, laughing excitedly.  
"Slow down Suze!" Danny yelled next to me.  
"Why?? I thought you boys wanted to have some fun..." I taunted.  
"Well we wanna take a rest, pull into Stanley over there," Danny directed, pointing me to our usual hangout, Stanley Drive.  
The pickup screeched to a halt and we all jumped out, sweating from the intense June heat.  
"Nice job girly," Rafe laughed, slapping me on the shoulder good-heartedly.  
"I must agree, you did good," Danny joked, winking.  
"Shut up! It was my first time!" I yelled behind them, as they sauntered away down the road.  
Rafe, turned his head back. "That's what they all say, Susie Q."  
Ever the comedian, my brother.  
"And grab the beer outta the back!" he yelled.  
  
  
A few hours, and a few drinks, later, the three of us sat around in a circle, just ramblin' on about nothing in particular.  
"So's I was thinkin'," Rafe began to slur.  
"Bout what?" Danny slurred back.  
"I dunno, but I know i was thinkin' bout somethin..."  
"That's always good, man. Susie gimme a smoke."  
I tossed Danny the pack and watched him light up. Rafe stood up and began to walk around aimlessly.   
"You keep takin' mine and I'm gonna hafta start chargin' you," I threatened jokingly.  
"Ohh, I'm scared, really I am. Say, where's Rafe?"  
"Damned if I know he just got up and--ARGH!!!"  
A big shove from behind threw me stumbling into the creek.  
"RAFE!!!!' I screamed angrily as I got out and proceeded to throw him in. Unfortunately for me, he grabbed hold of my leg an tried to bring me with him. Sensing this I grabbed Danny's arm to keep me up but Rafe's got some muscle in him and all three of us went tumblin' into the water.  
A pretty big wrestling match ensued which I, luckily, was left out of. Getting out , I snuck over to the pickup and hopped in. Turning the keys I stuck my head out the window.   
"Bye boys!" I hollered, snickering.  
"Susie wait!" Danny screamed running from the creek.  
"You can't leave us here! That's not fair," Rafe gasped as he tried to catch up.   
Putting it in gear, I drove out onto the road, Rafe and Danny running behind me, soaking wet. Finally, I heard a thud as Danny jumped into the truck bed. A second thud was hear as he pulled Rafe in. Rafe slid open the window in the back.  
"Nice job kid," he said ruffling my hair.  
"Once 'gain," Danny laughed from behind, "I must agree. You did good, Suze."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
...A knock on my bedroom door interrupted my thoughts.  
"Susie? It's me, Jack," a voice echoeed through my room. "Can I come in, please? Just to talk, I promise. Susie? Rafe said you were in here, please can we talk?"  
Oh Danny, I thought, wiping the remaining tears off my face. I did good for you then, but am I doing good now?...  
  
...Jack had come to apologize for the fiasco that I, not he, had instigated the night before. I liked hi m, I did, but it would take some getting used to. Simply put, all that damned guilt I felt over moving on from Danny, my one completely true love, would take a while to get over. Opening the door to the blonde, built, and somehow innocently rugged "boy", however, almost made me lightheaded...  
  
  
"Are you okay today?" Jack asked, concerned, after we had moved our conversation to the front porch.  
"Fine," I responded, pouring some lemonade for the two of us. "Last night just stirred up some...memories, is all. Those things can be dangerous."  
"Memories of what?"  
"I'd rather not say, I'm sorry."  
"You know, i really do think we'd get along good if you gave us a chance."  
"Jack we've only known eachother a week. You sure you wanna try this out so soon?"  
"I know we can make it work if we get to know eachother, and take it slowly," he responded, emphasizing on the last word as if trying to make me feel more comfortable.  
"But you know hardly anythin' about me!" I exclaimed, surprised at his forwardness, and at the same time his honesty.  
"If you insist...I'll give this a try. We can see a movie in town maybe?"  
"Tomorrow night, if that's okay."  
"That'd be f ine."  
"Say, where's Rafe at today?"  
"You really admire my brother, don't you?"  
"I do Suze. When I was growin up around here I used to watch him and his best friend...Walker, I think it was?...flying around in cropdusters doin' all kinds of crazy shit."  
"They were quite a duo, those two," I smiled, remembering when they first tried to play chicken and ended up 100 feet away from eachother at the turn.  
"Wonder whatever happened to that Walker kid," he pondered. I flinched at the familiar name.  
  
**********************************************************************************"...Shows what you know, Walker..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"He..well, he died in the war..."  
"Ya don't say? That's too bad. He sure seemed to be a good kid."  
"Yes, he was. The best I've ever known."  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"...I couldn't let you miss out on something like that, now could I?..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"I'm sorry, you seem upset now. I take it you two were close?"  
"He was my best friend. But it's no matter, gotta come to terms with it anyway. More lemonade?"  
"No thanks," Jack answered with a smile. "I'm gonna go home and clean up the place. I"ll be seein' you tomorrow, around eight, alright?"  
"Eight'd be fine, don 't keep me waitin!" I answered, grinning back.   
"See ya then Susie," he winked and turned around. As he walked to his car I realized exactly how much I was fallin' for him.  
Oh dear Lord Suze, I scolded myself, Don't let yourself go on this boy! You could never fully love him, and then you'll probably wind up hurtin' him more than you'll ever know...  
  
  
...Despite my own warnings to myself, I knew that I needed the kind of affection that Jack wasx giving me. We pursued a fairly normal relationship with eachother. He said he loved me, he couldn't live without me. I, on occasion, told him that I loved him too. I let him believe that he was my one true love. Don't get me wrong, It was a wonderful relationship, but I'd already experienced my soulmate. Jack was such a wonderful, giving man, though, and we got along great. One day, though, something changed. He got real serious, and so did the whole damned situation...  
  
  
"You know, Suze," Jack mumbled, barely above a whisper as we walked through the flower garden in the back of the house. "Things been really good between us lately. I love you with all my heart, you know that, and so...i was thinkin'...maybe..."  
"Spit it out already!" I laughed, not really knowing what to expect, although it should have been obvious.  
"What do ya think of marriage?" Before I could answer, he continued, "'Cause, see, I wanna spend the rest of my life with a great girl like you and I figured 'Why not get a head start on it?' So, I got you this ring...it's not much...but I hope you'll take it and say you'll marry me someday?"  
"I..." I couldn't think of anything to say. I searched and searched and searched within myself for the answer, and still everything seemed so confused. In the back of my head, though, I knew what I should say.  
  
**********************************************************************************  
"... If anything happens I want you to remember me always. I want you to go on with your life, okay?..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  
Okay Danny, I thought morbidly, This is what you wanted.  
"I will," I smiled happily at Jack.  
"Oh Suze I promise I'll make you happy!" he exclaimed picking me up in a big hug.  
I knew he would, but only as my best friend...I felt a love for him that I also shared for Rafe, Evelynn, and Danny. This love was pure, but it was not the love he needed, and I new that sooner or later he would realize that and be heartbroken. For now, however, he deserved to be loved and to be married...he was a great, great man, my Jack.  
  
  
...Jack and I were wed in a small but beautiful ceremony at the church in town. It was a nice marriage from the beginning, and we got along great. I found myself unable to have a baby, though. I couldn't explain why, but it was as if God didn't want me to reproduce. Another obstacle in my life, but I managed to move on. Jack was starting to get pretty damn sickly, and a lot of the time he had to stay in bed. He seemed to be fine at heart though. Rafe's little family was doing well, Evelynn had just recovered from the flu and was in high spirits, and little Danny was readin', all by himself. But things got pretty bad the day Rafe showed up on my front porch, sobbing like a newborn baby...  
  
  
The knockin' came rapidly and lously.  
"Jesus, I'm coming already!" I yelled at the mystery visitor. It was nearly evelen at night, who in the hell would be here this late?  
I opened the door to see Rafe, shivering and crying like a madman.  
"Oh my god," I muttered, pulling him inside gently and shutting the door behind him. "Rafe, baby, what'sa matter?"  
"I...car...the plane....!" he broke down and fell into the couch in a heap of tears and redness.  
"Explain it to me now darlin...slowly, okay? I'm here, it's alright now, you can tell me."  
"Well, I-I-I got into the t-truck and went to the pharmacy to pick up Eve's medicine and th-th-then I was driving home and this big noise popped outside, it sounded like a g-g-gun..."  
"Go on," I consoled him, rubbing his back and fixing his hair.  
"W-well suddenly I blacked out. I was in the plane again in europe and the damned bastar shot me down and-and..." he wailed and wailed, as I put two and two together.  
"You had a flashback?"  
Rafe nodded, looking up with those big, puppy-dog eyes of his.  
"Aw honey, I get those all the time. You just have to get used to them. There's no point in crying now, that's the past--it's over and done with. If you move on, you'll tend to get em less often until you don't get em anymore."  
Liar, I scolded myself. You still picture Danny as flesh at least twice a day.  
"You really think so, Suze? You think it'll be alright?"  
"I know so, guy. Now come on, I'll drive you home."  
"Hey girly?" he motioned as we walked out the door.  
"Yea?"  
"I love you."  
"Love you too."  
  
  
...I drove Rafe home that night, concerned about how terrified he must feel to be reliving those times. Little did I know that this was merely the beginning of all our troubles. I was about to lose somebody else, and, at the same time, gain someody new...  
  
...There was a regression following Rafe's episode. Jack's condition worsened, and nobody could explain what went wrong. I was confused, I didn't love him completely but I still loved him. So I stayed by his side most of the time, wondering what to do. Evelynn would stop by with Danny Jr. every day and we would eat outside and watch the sky. Often, Rafe would come and keep Jack company. Life was good and bad at the same time, and none of us knew what would happen, or how it would change us all...  
  
  
Shieldin my eyes with my hand, I looked up to the clouds and watched our neighbor in the crop duster, mindin' our fields. Jack was out of the question to do it, and Rafe refused to go into another plane after his flashbacks.  
"Would you look at how easy that thing flies," he mumbled quietly.  
"Don't pay any mind to it, darling," Evelynn soothed.  
Standing up quietly, i excused myself to go to the bathroom.  
The house was quiet inside, and the wooden floorboards creaked and groaned under my feet as I crept to Jack's dor and peered in. He slept quietly, drooling on the pillow as usual. I'd wait to wake him up. I would know today--today there would be no doubt.  
Holding my stomach, I edged my way to the bathroom and slunk inside. A wave of nausea swept over me and I quickly upped the lid of the toilet and let it go.   
"Shit," I said to myself. I knew I was going to be having a baby. Eve knew too, but Jack was too sick to help me take care of him. Hopefully, he'd get better soon and then we could be happy again.  
I hiked up my skirt for one more check, and, as expected, there was nothing. I was two months late.  
"It's now or never," I coaxed myself. Opening the door and walking in to the hallway, I caught my breath and prepared myself.  
"Jack? Honey wake up I need to tell you something!" I called, walking quickly towards his room, the door slightly ajar.  
I eased my way inside and approached his sleeping form. God, he was so sweet. I could hardly wait for him to get better, and then we'd have picnics out by the garden again like old times.  
"Wake up sweety," I urged, pushing his shoulder lightly. As I did so, his pale body moved and I could see his "drool" more clearly--it was blood.  
Jack??" I cried, grabbing his hand and shaking him around. "Jack wake up!! I'm having a baby!"  
In all my horror, I heard footsteps come running down the hallway. Rafe burst in the door, Evelynn following.  
"Suze, move aside okay?? I'll take care of this girly," he said, moving me to the wall and kneeling beside Jack's bed.  
I knew he was dead, I knew it would happen...I just couldn't come to terms with it in time.  
Evelynn came to my side and held me as I cried.  
"Not again," I sobbed against her shoulder. "Not again..."  
  
  
...In the months following Jack's death, I was like a zombie. The doctor said that there had been internal bleeding in his stomach from a fall on the farm that he hadn't paid any mind to. His room was cleaned out and everything of his was placed in boxes. Everything except his journal. I kept it by my bedside and swore to never read it, until one day, out of curiousity, I flipped through the pages...  
  
  
The book was basically calling to me. It's leather-bound pages were screaming to me to read them and see what had been going through Jack's mind through all that we went through together. Finally, a week before I was due, I gave in to temptation and read his journal. What I found was endearing and excruciating all at the same time...  
  
  
August 5, 1942  
  
Met Miss Susana McCawley today at the grocers. She's Rafe McCawley's little sister! A might pretty, she was...she was a little strange though. I got invited to her house for dinner so I'm goin' to go.  
It'll be an honor to spend time with Rafe...I idolize him and just about everyone knows it. What I wouldn't give to have flown with him in the force.  
  
  
August 6, 1942  
  
Last night I kissed Susie. I thought everything went great, but she ran away screaming. I'm hoping to mend the situation if I can. I'll go to the house tonight and I'll tell her how I feel 'bout us. I think we should give it a chance. I know she was i love with a boy in the war. And I know that he died. somone once told me who he was but i was pretty drunk at the time. oh well. she needs to move on with her life, and why not move on to me?  
  
  
November 4, 1942  
  
I asked Susie to marry me today, and she said yes! I'm gonna be the happiest man alive with her by my side. Life will be great, we'll buy a great little house right by her brother and his family and grow up all old together...i can't wait...  
  
  
March 16, 1943  
  
I know I'm going to die soon...they can't hide that from me. And Suze, well she won't listen. She thinks I'm going to get better and we'll be able to be happy again. I wish I could tell her to leave me now, to just go on. I'm useless, completely. She wants to have kids, but she doesn't know...I can't. I just can't, and I also can't help it. I was just--born that way, I guess. She wants so bad to have a little baby with me, but I can't even give her that. I don't want to tell her, I don't want her to be even more upset. So I'll wait...  
  
  
  
I slammed the book shut. He had to have made a mistake because here I was, nine months later, with a belly he size of a prize-winning watermelon. There had to be some sort of mistake, something out of the blue that we couldn't have foreseen. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Jack had died without knowing about his baby. I didn't even get the chance to tell him.  
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. And then another.  
"Rafe!!" I screamed. "EVELYNN!!!!"  
They came running into the room and saw what was going on. Eve drove to the hospital as Rafe held me in his lap and tried to comfort me.  
  
  
...On April 19th, 1943 I gave birth to a little boy whom I named Matthew, after my father. He was so beautiful, such a darling baby. But as he grew bigger, I began to notice things...strange things. His father had been blonde, and I had dark blonde hair like Rafe's, but Matthew had hair of the darkest brown. My eyes were green and Jack's blue, but the baby's were deep brown and deepset. I couldn't help but think of how much he looked like my Danny as a young boy. Everytime I looked at Matt, it was like seeing Danny again as a twelve year-old, running through the fields with Rafe. It was like God had given me Danny again. I mean, it did seem impossible that he was even here, what with Jack's impotence and the fact that he looked less and less like the offspring of a blonde-haired blue-eyed soldier every day. It was weird, but I couldn't complain. Watching Matthew grow up was like reliving my childhood through older eyes. But times got depressing, and the flashbacks more current, as I watched him play, I longed for those Tennessee days with Danny, the long days by the creek and on Stanley Drive. The warm air burning my scalp, and the sun tanning my little figure. I couldn't stay like this any longer...  
  
  
"Momma!" Matt called, running into the house.  
"What is it baby?" I asked, wiping away my tears and covering the piece of paper in front of me.  
"I'm goin' to Danny's okay?"  
"That's fine baby. Be careful."  
"What's the matter Ma?"  
"Nothin Matthew, but come here and give me a hug, okay?"  
The little boy came over, confused, as I held him close and gave him a big kiss on the forehead.  
"I love you," I urged, "Don't you ever forget that."  
"I know, mom, but I'm gonna be late! I love you too!"  
He ran outside and I resumed my writing. It read:  
  
  
Rafe and Evelynn,  
  
I love you two more than life, you two and little Danny and my Matthew. But I can't bear this any longer. I'm not happy anymore, and why should I stay here if I'm not happy? I'll be a burden on all of you. Take care of Matty, watch him real close and tell him his Momma'll come and give him hell if he screws up! It's better this way. I'll be with Danny again. Finally. Please, don't ever forget me. and Rafe, I love oyu. You're my big brother. Please, don't let the past haunt you anymore...be happy and be proud that you have such a wonderful family. Take Matthew as you're own and teach him to be good like you were. Tell him his mommy loved him. I need to go now.  
  
Love You Always,  
Susie  
  
  
Crying a little bit, I folded the letter and placed it in the envelope marked for Rafe and Eve. I set it on my desk and then, sitting on the bed, I pulled out the pistol that Jack had always kept for safe-keeping. In my other hand, I held the purple heart that I had recieved in memory of Danny. Fingering it gently, I placed the barrell at my temple and, letting out one cry before doing it, I pulled the trigger.  
  
  
**********************************************************************************The sun beat down on my face as I lay sprawled out on the grass in front of my house. I lifted up my arm and looked at it's tiny length. I was sixteen again. Standing up quickly I looked around, my hand guarding my eyes in a salute. The house was painted white still, and the barn was in tact by the field. I heard a holler from above and looked up. Rafe flew past in the cropduster, waving his scrawny arms and smiling. I waved back, a tear making it's way down my cheek. A voice from inside brought me to attention.  
"Susie darlin', tell your brother to come down and have some breakfast!"  
It was Momma, momma who had died all those years ago in a car accident. My beautiful Momma. I could hear her talking to Daddy inside, my big strong father. Before I could open the screen door to see them, I heard a cough from the walkway. Turning around, I saw him standing there.  
His brown hair was swept in a million different directions, and the sun shone across his chiseled face. The brown of his eyes stood out against his tan body, his white tank top a bit dirty from goofing aorund with Rafe, and his slacks torn here and there. I slowly walked down the porch steps towards him until we stood face to face. i looked at the ground, unable to speak, as I began to cry.  
He brought his hand to my face and wiped them away. Cupping my cheek in his palm, he turned my face towards his and looked into my eyes. It was him, he was real and we were young again, together at my house with Momma and Daddy and Rafe.  
"I told you I'd always be with you," he whispered, smiling as he ran his fingers through my hair, which was long, as it used to be.  
"I never doubted you," I said quietly as he pulled me to him.  
Our lips met and I felt warmth inside me again, as I had all those years ago. I knew then that I had found heaven.  
**********************************************************************************  
  
The gun clicked uselessly as I caught my breath. Bullets, i had forgotten bullets. It was then that I heard Matthew running back in the house.   
"Momma!" he called  
"What is it sweetheart?" I answered, still recovering from what I had almost done.  
"Rafe's gonna fly! He wants you to come and see!!"  
I laughed excitedly at the thought of Rafe's recovery and stood up.  
Tossing the note into the trash and placing the gun back into the cabinet, I looked steadily out the window at the blue sky.  
"I'll be with you again someday, Danny," I whispered, smiling. "And when that day comes, I'll never let go."  
  
**********************************************************************************  
Danny found himself kissing the air and realized that Susie had gone back.  
"Someday, Suze," he whispered, gazing up at the sun as it warmed the ground where he stood. "Someday, we'll have eachother again...someday..."  
**********************************************************************************  
  



	6. For Everything There Is A Season

**A/N:** I haven't written for this story in soooooo long! But I got an idea…and dammit I lost all of the reviews for the stories in it because I couldn't put them all together…and there was like over 50 altogether so I'm sad ;-) Well hey I'm doing as asked and Rafe will find Susie's letter…and, uh, Danny is going to make a guest appearance, and I'm not saying whether he'll be living or dead in said appearance so get ready! ;) Please review, so I can collect some more and not look so sad lol. Love, Dana

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything from the movie, Susie is mine, and anything else you don't recognize is mine.

            _…I finally realized that maybe it was worth it to stick around. I had seen Danny again, if only in my dreams, and I felt him closer to me each day after my failed suicide attempt. The note was thrown in the trash; I was safe now. I had my little boy Matthew with me, and Rafe and Evelyn to keep me company. So what if Jack was dead, I had dealt with one dead lover already. I never forgot him; he was my husband after all. But nothing mattered now except Matthew and my brother and his wife. And my secret was safe from them. Or so I thought…_

            "Susie!" Rafe screamed from the hallway as I pulled a batch of freshly baked rolls from the oven.

            "What is it?" I called back, pulling off my oven mitts and tossing them onto the counter.

            "I think you need to get over here."

            I walked out of the room and down the hall where he stood, young as ever, waving a crumpled piece of paper in his hand.

            _Oh shit,_ I thought miserably.

            "Explain this!" he boomed, his eyes wide.

            "It was a bad time, is all. I did that after Jack died and of course you know I wouldn't go through with it. I'm not crazy, Rafe."

            "After Jack died? So it was only 'cause you were sad…I can understand it. But you gave me quite a fright there, Suze. I was just emptying out your garbage pail and it sorta fell out."

            He ran his hand through his gold-tinted hair and smiled sheepishly.

            "Oh, Rafe," I laughed and threw my arms around him. "I love you, ya know that?"

            "I do."

            I backed away from him and went back into the kitchen, where the rolls had been cooling off. They smelled delicious; warm and fresh and just itchin' to be soaked in butter and rosemary oil.

            "What's this?" Evelyn asked, grinning, as she walked in from her garden.

            "Something to go along with dinner," I responded, fanning the steam from the bread over to her nose as she inhaled it appreciatively.

            "I must say, Susie, I love this baking habit of yours."

            "I don't mind it myself. So what's for the main course, anyway?"

            "I'm thinking about steak and some salad. Oh! I forgot to tell you…Rafe and I are taking Danny up to South Carolina for a week, and he wanted to know if Matty can come with us. I know you won't want to; you always hated the Carolinas. But Danny would really like it if he could join in."

            I smiled down at my little son, playing with a toy airplane on the tile floor. I was so young to have child, only twenty-two. I had given birth to Matthew when I was 19. So young. I needed a break.

            "Of course he can go," I said cheerfully, holding the counter for balance when he rush my legs and held them tight.

            "Oh thank you Momma!" he exclaimed with joy. 

            "Of course, sweetheart. You're all leaving tomorrow, then?" I asked, turning to Evelyn.

            "Yes, at three in the afternoon. We're going to take the train. Are you sure you won't come with us, Suze?"

            "I'm sure. Last time I was there, I got so much sand in my hair that it took months to clean it all out."

            Rafe skipped in and picked up a roll hot off the tray. 

            "We're gonna miss ya Susie," he laughed through the bread in his mouth.

~*~*~*~*~*~

            The next day was a calm one. After the taxi picked up Rafe, Evelyn, and the children, I was free to roam the land surrounding the farm by myself. I walked around the farm to pick the little purple wildflowers that grew all around it and I dropped them over Danny's grave. 

            "I miss you," I whispered, smiling softly and running my hand over the top of the stone.

            Afterwards, I walked down to Stanley Road and sat down by the creek where he had first kissed me. Jack had also kissed me there, but it in no way compared to the embrace of my first love, Danny. The breeze blew my hair around, and it felt so much like light, feathery kisses against my neck and cheeks. I stood up and looked down into the water.

            _I'm here by myself,_ I thought with shock. _ There's nobody here but me, not even Rafe. I don't think I've ever been here alone…_

            It scared me to think that I was there with only my shadow as company. It had never seemed so quiet, so empty. There was a noise behind me and I spun around, expecting to see a sixteen-year-old boy in overalls, his bare feet coated in dirt from the road and his hair mussed up over his eyes. 

            But there was nothing. 

            I decided then to go home.

~*~*~*~*~*~

            The house was empty, quiet. As I watched the sun go down through the small kitchen window behind the sink, I washed off my dishes and toweled 'em dry.

            The sky was all sorts of beautiful colors that night; blue, red, pink, purple, orange…it was astounding; My own aurora. From where I stood, the last remaining bit of sun cast a glare across my eyes that made it hard to see anything out on the porch. So naturally, when I saw the man walking up the steps, I thought nothing of it. 

            His tall, lean body faced me, and he slowly moved towards the window. I squinted, trying to see whom it was, but it was pointless. I might as well have been blind, for that damned glare was intense and it seemed never-ending. The man stood patiently on the other side of the glass, as I looked at his body for a clue. I found none, for it was becoming too dark to see any details.

            Finally, the sun disappeared behind the clouds, and I saw the face peering in at me. The dish I had been holding dropped to the ground and shattered.

            "Oh my god," I whispered, feeling dizzy. "Oh…lord…"

**A/N:** Do you guys like this chapter? I kind of like this "bringing dead people back" thing…I'm having a lot of fun with it. The next chapter should be up later tonight so please STAY TUNED! And don't forget to review, it only takes a second after all.


	7. Changes

            _…The room seemed to spin around me, but his face stayed centered through the clear glass pane. It was dark out, and shadows fell over his nose and mouth. But those eyes…I'd know them anywhere…_

"Danny?" I gasped, my mouth ajar.

            He nodded slowly and placed his hand up against the window. I raised my own and put it palm to palm with his, the cold glass stinging my skin. It really was him.

            "Danny!" I screamed, bolting through the screen door and out onto the porch where he stood, smiling. I stopped before I reached his tall body and took a deep breath. How could I be sure he was real?

            He looked different, but at the same time…entirely the same. His beautiful hair was the same as it had always been, swept down across his forehead and into his beautiful eyes. Those eyes were as deep and engaging as ever, but they looked tired. It had to be him; it just had to be. 

            I reached up and ran my fingers along his cheek, hesitating at first to touch him for fear my hand would slip through and this glorious apparition would fade away. It didn't. My fingers slid smoothly over his flawless jaw line, the slight build of stubble itching my knuckles. He grasped my hand in his and squeezed it soothingly.

            "I'm home, Susie," he whispered. "I came home."

            "Are you real, Danny? Are you?" Tears sprang to my eyes as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine.

            "I am. I told you I'd come home to you, didn't I? It just took longer than I thought it would. Gawd, Suze, I missed you." Cold, wet tears ran down his cheeks as he began to sob.

            "Oh, Danny Boy…you're here…" My shoulders shook as his arms pulled me closer and I buried my face in his warm, musky neck. "I don't know how, but you're here…"

            "I'm goin' to tell you everything. But first I just wanna look at you, just for a little while." His eyes bore into mine, and his fingers ran gently through my hair. "Jesus, you're so grown up now. You look so…mature. And tired."

            "I am," I said softly, holding the side of his neck with my hand. "Ever since you…died…well, I've been so tired. I-I got married."

            He backed away, eyes wide with shock.

            "Married?"

            "Yes, but only because I wanted you to be happy, wherever you were, by thinking that I was happy. But I wasn't. And he died soon after we got married."

            "You weren't happy?"

            I moved slowly to the banister and leaned forward against it, staring out into the dark, open fields.

            "No," I replied with a soft sigh. "I was pregnant when he died, and it wasn't his…it-it couldn't have been. But you and he were the only…the only…"

            "But I had been gone for much too long, right?"

            "Yea, but it still makes no sense, Danny, he couldn't make anyone pregnant. It was this problem he had."

            "What's the baby's name?"

            "Matthew…he's three now. You'd love him; he looks just like you. That's what kept me alive for so long. Seeing him everyday was like havin' you alive again. Without him, I'd have been buried years ago."

            "You missed me that much?" he asked shyly, standing next to me and spinning me around so that we stood face to face.

            "More than you will ever know," I whispered, gazing into his eyes. Having him back seemed so surreal. "There was not one night that I didn't go to bed and think of you. Not one day that I didn't sit outside and pray that you'd come walking down that road, waving and smiling. And it never happened…until now. I've waited so long to see your face, to hear your voice…"

            "To kiss you…"he murmured, leaning forward and brushing my lips tenderly with his. We embraced, kissing for what seemed like hours. 

            "You need to know what happened," he panted, breaking away. "I need to tell you."

            "Alright," I said, smiling. "Come on inside."

**A/N:** So, what do you guys think of this? I'm kind of pleased with it. Next chapter is going to be up later tonight, so review review review! 


	8. I'll Be Here Waiting

            Danny stumbled into the kitchen and watched intently as I cleaned up the broken dish.

            "Ouch!" I gasped, wincing as a shard of the plate cut into my index finger. Blood began to run down into my palm and I stared at it, dumbfounded.

            "Oh damn," Danny exclaimed, taking note of my cut and rushing over. He led me to the sink and turned on the water. "We'll just wash this a little bit and wrap it up."

            He took my hand and tenderly placed it under the lukewarm water, his body behind mine and pressed up against it. I caught my breath as his mouth brushed against my ear and I felt his breath on my cheek.

            "This can't be real," I whispered, a tear falling from my eye.

            "It is," he murmured softly, resting his head against mine. "I'm home now."

            I spun around gazed at his chiseled, tanned face. He smiled wide and took my hand in his.

            "Come on," he laughed, pulling me through the house as though we were children. Finally, he settled on the living room and sat me down on the couch, kneeling down in front of me and refusing to let go of my hand.

            "I didn't die in China," he said suddenly, his face turning from a grin to a blank expression. "They…well, they thought I did. And I was unconscious in the hospital. They asked me my name when I woke up and I guess they misheard me."

            Danny looked down at my fingers, entwined with his. He sighed.

"They had some other guy by the name they thought I had given them, dead in the room next to mine. So they figured they had the tags all wrong and switched our charts. It was his body in the coffin."

My eyes widened as I realized the truth…none of us had ever looked inside that big pine box. So that man buried by the barn…that was not the right man at all. My eyes filled with tears as he continued.

"The Chinese, they didn't understand a damn thing. They let me out of that hospital a month later; let me out into a world I'd never seen before. I got lost, and it was horrible."

He rubbed my palm with his thumb, and looked right up at my eyes. He was beginning to cry.

"I didn't know where to go or what to do; nobody seemed to understand who I was. They didn't really care, to be honest with you Susie. So…I tried to scrounge up some money. I did odd jobs; I sat on the street and begged. Sometimes I could afford a room. Sometimes I couldn't. I lived like that for years, and the only thing I could think of was your face, smiling at me out in those fields. The way your hair would blow across your eyes when the winds came. And that's what kept me alive. There were so many times when I wanted to give in and starve to death out on those streets, but then I would hear your voice tellin' me you'd be right here when I got home again."

He smiled up at me, and wiped a tear away from his cheek.

"So I was sittin' out there one day and this Navy officer comes walkin' down the street…from America. He looked at my uniform, dirty as it was, and knew right away that I didn't belong there. So he took me to his superior and they asked me all about how I got to China, and who I was and such. Then they cleaned me up, gave me my medals, changed the records, and sent me back home. Back to you. And you waited, Suze, you really did."

He stood up and pulled me to my feet, his sturdy arms around my waist.

"You should go get changed into somethin' more comfortable," I said with a grin, leading him into Rafe's room. "Throw on something of Rafe's. That uniform has to be stiff as anything."

Danny nodded, unbuttoning his jacket as I bustled around the room, trying to find him a shirt and some pants. I looked at him as he stood there in his undershirt, tight and with no sleeves. There were scars along his arms, deep gray circles, and they were new to me. I walked over to him and ran my finger along them.

            "Are these from…?" I began incredulously.

            "Yea," he responded, shrugging. "I got more over my torso, and one on my neck from some metal."

            I stared into his eyes and, without a word, I reached down and began to lift his shirt. By the time I had it off of him, I could see the deep marks left by bullets on his stomach and chest.

            "My god, Danny, are you alright?" I asked, smoothing my palm over the scars. 

            "Of course, Suze, that was a long time ago." He smiled tenderly at me and placed his hand over the side of my waist.

            I looked up at him and breathed deeply.

            "They must have hurt," I sighed, my one hand resting on his chest as my other slid to his neck.

            "Not as much as standing here with you and knowing how much I still love you does," he whispered, his lips hovering near mine.

            "Why would that hurt?" I pressed my body against in and felt the warmth of his bare top against my thin dress.

            "Because I know that I hurt you, I know how it must have felt. And I doubt that you'll ever love me again the way I love you." His eyes began to water and I placed my finger soothingly against his mouth.

            "You're wrong, Danny. I love you the same as I always have. I love you more than anything else in this world. And I will never feel differently. No matter what."

**A/N:** Okie doke! This chapter is over with, next one will be up tonight or tomorrow ( I have lots more free time now, with winter break and everything!) The next scene will contain some sex…but hey any sex involving josh Hartnett is a GOOD THING. Please read and review…rafe is coming home next and Danny will meet little Danny for the very first time (what, did you think I'd leave out his son?!) hehe, please review, it only takes a second ;-) 


	9. Hush

            Danny leaned in and kissed me. His bare arms were tan and stronger than ever, scars and all, as the wrapped around my body and drew me closer to him.

            I pulled away and studied his face for a moment, in a state of absolute euphoria. I looked at his neck and saw the scar from the metal, a deep line along the left side. 

            "Oh," I murmured, touching it and feeling the heat that it emanated. I moved my mouth to the scar and tenderly brushed my lips over it.

            "Lord," he gasped with a soft smile, "That feels good…"

            "You won't leave me again?" I whispered, pushing him against the bureau. 

            "Never. I'm staying right here for the rest of my life," he panted, lifting up my dress. 

            Danny picked me up easily and brought me into my room, same place as it had always been. He gently laid me down on the soft, rosy comforter and kneeled between my bent knees, staring down at me.

            "I love you, Suze."

            "I love you, too."

            He bent down and kissed me again, easing his body down onto mine. He began to kiss my neck, his hands caressing my shoulder and hip simultaneously as I gasped for air. This was incredible, surreal. I brought my leg up and wrapped it around his waist, pushing my hips up towards his. I buried my face in his soft, dark hair and grasped it with my hands. He came back to my face and looked me in the eyes.

            "Are you sure?" he asked, sweat dripping down his face.

            "You asked me that a long time ago," I breathed, my body trembling with desire. He smiled and kissed me lightly, then looked back into my eyes and never moved his gaze again until it was over.

            He thrust once, and I gasped. It had been so long. We began to move rhythmically, our bodies like one as we gazed at each other. It was nearly silent; we only needed the satisfaction of knowing that we were together again to be fulfilled.

            Afterwards, we lay on my small bed, side-by-side, and wide-awake. He stretched out beside me and stared at me, grinning like a little child. I smile back.

            "What?" I asked, giggling.

            "I feel like it was just yesterday that I first kissed you," he laughed, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his mouth for a second. 

            "I remember that, it was down on Stanley Road and Rafe was drunk."

            "Yea, and you were thinkin' about the stars." He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair. "Do you ever think of them anymore?"

            "Not so much, I haven't had the time lately. But when you were gone, I used to go out and sit in the field and look up at them. I wondered if you were up there."

            "I did the same thing in China. Only the view wasn't as beautiful as it is here."

            "It is gorgeous from here, no lights to crowd the skies; jus the stars and the clouds and the moon…I wish I could look at them more often."

            Danny bolted up and grabbed me.

            "I've got an idea," he announced, pulling me too my feet and wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. "Put somethin' on real quick, and I'll be right back."

            He ran out of the room and down the hall and I threw on my nightie. I piled my hair up in a messy bun and stood in the doorway.

            _What in hell is he up to?_ I wondered, smiling to myself. _It doesn't matter; he can do whatever he wants. I got my miracle._

            Danny came back out, wearing an old pair of slacks and his undershirt. He grabbed my hand and led me outside.

            "It's after midnight!" I said, surprised.

            "All the better," he laughed, pulling me down the porch steps and out into the field. He pulled me down in a small clearing and flopped backwards onto the ground. I laid down beside him and looked at his face for some sort of clue.

            He turned his head and gazed at me.

            "You said you wanted to see the stars again," he whispered. "What better time than now?"

            I wanted to cry at his sweetness, and it all reminded me of a time long past…a time I'd almost forgotten…

~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Rafe! You gotta be more quiet," I hissed, pushing him along out the porch door. Danny stood outside, his overalls rolled up to his knees and no shirt underneath them.

            "You guys ready or what?" he asked impatiently. After all, he was only fifteen-years-old...time was money.

            "God dammit, Danny, hold your horses," I snapped. "Rafe was just tripping all over everything so we had to take our time."

            "I was not!" Rafe responded with a shove. "I'm just tired is all."

            "So when is this thing happenin'?" I asked, trying to catch up with Danny and Rafe as they pushed their way through the field.

            "It's a meteor shower, Suze," Rafe barked. "You can't predict the exact time their gonna start. We just gotta wait."

            We sat down on the grass and waited. Danny lit a cigarette and passed one to Rafe who, in turn, passed one to me. 

            "What if they hit us?" I asked, exhaling deeply.

            "They won't," Danny answered with a shrug. He patted my shoulder and smiled at me. "They aren't gonna come over here. They're gonna fly right past the earth like this…" He whizzed his hand past my cheek and I laughed. "…And then they're gonna go flying off to some other planet and land there."

            Rafe laughed and put his arm over my shoulder.

            "You're gonna be just fine, kiddoe," he smiled, kissing the top of my head. He had always been the best when it came to comforting me. Even though he tried to act tough, it always fell through when I was around. "I gotta pee." He stood up and walked away to find a good place to whiz.

            I flopped down on the ground and looked up at the stars. They were beautiful.

            "So," Danny began, "Are you excited to see this? It's not everyday you see a meteor shower."

            "Yea," I answered. "I love the stars. I wanna see a shooting star someday…you can wish on those, ya know."

            He laughed and mussed up my hair with his hand. "Meteors _are_ shooting stars, Suze. And tonight you can make as many wishes on them as you want."

            Rafe stumbled back and laid down, resting his head on my stomach. As we all fixed our eyes on the sky, beams of light began to streak across it.

            "Well would ya look at that," Rafe muttered in disbelief as Danny drew in his breath and I smiled widely.

            _I wish there could be more nights like this,_ I wished, resting my hand on Rafe's forehead.

~*~*~*~*~*~

            Danny watched as single beam on light flew over our heads.

            "I don't believe it," he murmured with a small laugh. "A shooting star."

            "I remember when I first saw one of those," I whispered happily. "I saw it with you and Rafe."

            He sat up and pulled my head onto his lap, running his hand along my cheek.

            "I'm gonna ask you something," he said seriously. "Something I've wanted to ask you for a long time, but never got the chance to."

            I caught my breath and looked up at him.

**A/N:** Ohhhhh what's he gonna ask her?!? Hehehe, you might find out later tonight ;) I have the whole house to myself tonight, so you can bet your butts I'll be writing the next chapter. I'm really proud of this one here, please tell me what you think? Next chapter, they're going out to town and someone brings up jack, Danny gets jealous, then later (either the next chapter or the one after it) Rafe and Evelyn come home with the kids. What's Danny gonna do?!? PLEASE REVIEW!! It only takes a second, and I'd really appreciate it…think of it as my Christmas present!


	10. Home

            "This isn't easy for me," Danny mumbled. "I never did this before, ya know."

            I smiled, confused, as glanced quickly up at the stars.

            "All these years, I've waited for this moment. I knew I'd come and find you, no matter what it took, to do this. And now I'm here and the truth is, Susie, I'm jumblin' all my words up and I don't know _how_ to do this."

            He pulled me up to my feet, my bare toes digging into the soft, damp earth.

            "I-I wanna do this right," he explained, reaching into his pocket. "I waited so long to do this, I don't wanna mess it up."

            I swallowed deeply. This could only mean one thing. I pushed a wisp of hair behind my ear and watched him nervously.

            He pulled something small out of his pocket; small and shiny. Danny kneeled before me and grasped my right hand.

            "Uh…I know I'm not much, Susie. I'm not a rich man, and I'm not a genius. I don't own a business or stuff like that…hell, I don't own much of anything at the moment. But I love you. With all my heart. And I've missed you so much while I was away that I couldn't stand to spend one more moment without you now that I've found you again. You deserve better than me, and I've told you that before. But nothing would make me happier than if you were to love me back the way I love you. Please…Susanna McCawley, will you be my wife?"

            I caught my breath, feeling lightheaded. He slipped a delicate ring on my finger, gold and encrusted with sapphires, emeralds and diamonds. Danny stood up and placed himself directly in front of me. I began to smile, my eyes tearing like waterfalls.

            "Yes," I sobbed, jumping on him and wrapping my legs around his waist. "Yes!"

            He hollered and twirled me around, laughing with joy. We spun and spun until we both hit the ground, me on top of him.

            "Oh Danny, you didn't even have to ask," I panted, out of breath. "I've always been yours." I kissed him delicately and stood up.

            He rose from the ground and hugged me tightly.

            "You just made me so happy," he whispered with a childish bliss in his voice.

            He scooped me up and brought us back into the house and onto my bed, where we fell asleep in each other's arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~

            …The next morning I woke up early and left Danny alone in the bed. He looked like an angel; like the same Danny who had slept in my bed the night before he left for Rhode Island and the Air Force Base. He seemed unchanged… the same smooth skin, same long eyelashes…But then I saw the scar on his neck and remembered where he had been. It had been a week since Rafe, Evelyn, and the kids had left, and they would be back sometime today. I wished that I had warned Danny about it, warned him that he would see his son today, but I hadn't. It had completely slipped my mind. I put on my robe and slipped out of the bedroom…

The hardwood floors were chilly against my bare feet. I eased my way down the dark, empty hallway and out into the kitchen to make some breakfast.

            The night before seemed so unreal, like a dream; and what a beautiful dream it would have made. I could hear Danny softly snoring from the room and I smiled to myself.

            _This is what I will hear every morning for the rest of my life,_ I thought with glee. Danny and I were getting married, and life could not be more perfect.

            I ate my toast quickly, not bothering to smooth butter over it and smearing it with strawberry jam. My mama had made me toast like that. Most people hate it dry, but not me. Mama always made it for me and Pa, and Rafe always insisted on her adding butter to his.

            When I was finished with my toast, I picked up my mug of tea and stepped out onto the porch. The morning dew stuck to the grass and the wooden beams, and the air smelled fresh and crisp. I inhaled deeply, taking in the aroma and relishing it. This had always been my favorite part of living in this house. Every morning, I would step out into the fresh air and stand there for at least a half an hour, taking in every beautiful bit of it all. Fog rose up over the field and engulfed the crop duster that Rafe had left out of the barn, making it look as though it were flying through a cloud.

            I heard a car pull down the street and turned in time to see Rafe climbing out of the passenger seat of a big taxi cab. Evelyn emerged from the backseat and with her came Danny and Matthew, laughing and jumping around.

            They made their way up the path and Evelyn smiled and waved.

            "Hey Suze!" she called, waving happily. "Why are you up so early? You don't look so well."

            My mouth was ajar, trying to find a way to tell them about Danny coming back from…well…the dead.

            "Oh, I-I'm fine," I responded, walking down the steps to hug her. "I have something to…tell you. But first, how was your vacation?"

            "Oh it was great, Rafe got a bit of a tan, and so did the boys. Not me though, you know me. Pale as ghost forever." She giggled and picked up Matthew. "And this little guy was especially good. But he missed his mommy."

            I smiled and tickled his little chin. Rafe came up, two suitcases in his hands.

            "Well, nothing seems to have burned down…you did good, kiddoe. So how was your week? Anything exciting happen?"

            "Well…" I began, looking down at the ground. But I didn't need to explain. A cough from behind me called their attention, and the suitcases dropped from Rafe's hands to the ground.

            "Oh my god," he stuttered, looking from Danny to me and back to Danny again. "Oh my god."

            "This can't be right," Evelyn whispered in awe, hugging Matty and Danny close to her. 

            "Hi," Danny said shyly from the porch.

            Rafe slowly walked up to him, up the steps and placed his hand on Danny's arm to see whether or not he was real.

Once he knew for sure, Rafe cried out and hugged him, sobbing and calling out "Thank you" over and over again at nobody in particular. Danny hugged him back, crying as well.

            "I came home," he whispered with a grin on his face.

            "I can't believe it," Rafe gasped, rubbing Danny's hair with his hand. "Come inside and tell me everything!" 

            Danny looked back at me and winked. He and Rafe headed inside so that Rafe could hear all about Danny's adventures in China.

            Evelyn turned to me.

            "Is he a ghost?" she asked, her face even paler than before.

            "No," I answered, glowing. "He came back. He's alive."

            "But how?"

            I explained it to her, and she nodded with understanding.

            "He…he proposed," I whispered with merriment. "And I accepted."

            "Oh Susie! I'm so happy for you!" Evelyn exclaimed, grabbing me and embracing me. 

            Little Danny ran up to me and tugged on my skirt.

            "Yes?" I asked, laughing.

            "Who was dat man? With papa?" he asked, biting on his thumb. 

            I stood up, dazed, and looked at Evelyn for some kind of clue as to what to say. She looked equally perplexed.

            "That was Daddy's best friend," she explained shakily, kneeling down and picking him up. "That's your Aunt Susie's new husband and Matty's papa."

            I glanced at my son, who was sitting in the grass and trying to catch a caterpillar that had crawled onto his tiny leg. He had never met Jack. So did this make Danny his father? He looked so much like Danny as it were, so I decided then and there to let him believe it.

            I gathered him into my arms and carried him inside, Evelyn and little Danny behind us.

            Rafe and Danny were sitting in the living room, and they both had tears streaming down his face.

            I sat down next to Danny and presented him with Matthew.

            "This is my…_our_…son, Matthew. And that," I pointed at little Danny, who was at the moment picking his nose on Rafe's lap, "is Rafe and Evelyn's son Danny. Little Danny."

            Danny glanced at both of the children and remembered that Evelyn had been pregnant…with his child. He stared at Little Danny and saw what the rest of us did: no resemblance. But then he gazed at Matthew on his lap and saw himself as a toddler.

            "Hi there fella," he cooed at Matty, picking him up and holding him over his lap, grinning. "I'm your Daddy."

            "Hewwo," Matthew giggled, grabbing at Danny's arms with his small hands.

            Danny looked over at little Danny and smiled softly.

            "Hey Danny," he said tenderly. "I'm your Uncle Danny."

            Little Danny waved and then ran off to find something to do.

            Rafe looked over at him and nodded his head in appreciation, with respect. Danny knew that the boy was basically Rafe's son and to leave it alone. He didn't feel a fatherly connection with the child, and he knew that Rafe did. Plus, he seemed to have become attached to the little tike on his knee.

            I picked myself up from the couch and walked toward the window.

            "It's such a gorgeous day," I murmured, delicately pushing the lace curtains aside.

            "That it is," Danny responded, standing up. "We could go for a walk?"

            "Sure, you two should go off and enjoy the day," Rafe proclaimed, throwing Matthew up onto his shoulders. "I gotta work on the crop duster, and Evelyn's got some laundry and stuff to do. The kids'll be fine here. So go on." He patted Danny on the back and nodded again.

            Danny took my hand and led me outside, where the sun beat down and made everything seem a shade lighter. Heavenly.


	11. Haverford's

            Danny led me out to the road, running and laughing like a kid. It felt so wonderful to be with him again; I loved feeling like a child, so free and unhindered. 

            "Where are we going?" I asked, gazing at him from the side.

            He slid his arm over my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

            "To town for some soda and ice cream," he said with a grin, "at Haverford's."

            "Oh! I haven't been there in ages!" I exclaimed, happily surprised. Haverford's was this diner in town with an ice cream/soda bar in the back. We had all hung out there as kids, but soon grew out of place as the next generation shuffled in. It was wonderfully quaint, with dark hardwood floors and seemingly ancient movie posters scattered over the equally dark walls. There were some hanging lamps over table booths that provided adequate light, but it was the dingy atmosphere that made Haverford's so intriguing. 

            We meandered down the road into the town and Danny let out a small chuckle.

            "What is it?" I questioned curiously.

            He surveyed the buildings and the people walking around.

            "It's exactly the same," he answered, pulling me closer to him. "Nothin' changed."

            He took my hand and pulled me down the street to the big oak doors of the diner. As we pushed through, I felt as though I had entered a time warp back to the times when coming here was the usual date for Danny and I…

~*~*~*~*~*~

            We walked through the door and took our usual seats at the bar. 

            "Hey there kids," Mr. Haverford said with a big, wide smile. "What can I do for ya tonight?"

            Danny rested his elbows on the counter and thought for a second.

            "Well," he began, "I only got enough from my Pa today to get two small sundaes and some soda. _Or_ we could get two large ice cream sodas and take care of everything…"

            He sat there on the barstool, thinking it over with care.

            "I'll have an ice cream soda then," I told the old man behind the bar. 

            "And for you, Danny?" he asked patiently. "The same as the little miss?"

            Danny chuckled and nodded, embarrassed.

            Mr. Haverford walked towards the soda machine and began his work.

            "So…when's Rafe comin'?" Danny asked, fiddling with his fingers.

            "I dunno. He said eventually," I responded with a sigh. This type of thing aggravated me when I was sixteen. See, Danny and I were still only friends and he was always so fidgety whenever we went places together without my brother.

            "Oh. Ya know Suze, you're gonna have to pay me back for these sundaes eventually." He winked and shoved my shoulder good-heartedly.

            "God dammit Danny, I don't care. Why are we even here then? All you're waitin' for is Rafe, so maybe I'll just go home and leave you to your floats." I began to stand up, pissed off. I was just as good a friend to him as Rafe was, and I was getting sick of treated like an annoyance; like a charity case. 

            "Aw no, come on, don't leave. I'm sorry I always do this. I just really gotta tell him somethin'. Here, look, the sodas are almost done. Will ya at least stay and drink 'em with me?" He looked desperate and, I'll admit, very sorry. 

            "Just stop acting like you're babysitting me. I'm your friend too, you know."

            "What's this? A dispute?" Mr. Haverford came over with our ice cream sodas and leaned on the counter. He pointed at Danny. "Mister, you better treat you pretty little girlfriend better or she's gonna leave you for someone else. Isn't that right, Susanna?"

            "I'm not his girlfriend," I said, seething.  It's not that I didn't want to be. He just didn't seem to notice me like that. He looked down at the floor and grabbed his soda, not saying a word.

            "Well, that's just a damn pity," Mr. Haverford responded with a wink, walking away.

            "You sure sounded angry," Danny mumbled, sipping through his straw.

            "Well why should he assume that? You don't even act like you like me at _all_," I answered with a solemn shrug.

            "You're one of my best friends, and you know that. And I like you plenty, if you must know. Otherwise, why would I ever come here with you alone? Huh?"

            "I dunno."

            "That's right. There ain't no reason except I like hangin' out with you. So there." He poked me in the side with a big grin on his face, causing me to nearly topple off of the stool.

            "I'm sorry I was such a bitch. I mean, you bought me dessert after all."

            Danny looked up and smiled at me, then turned his attention to something behind me.

            "That guy over there sure won't stop lookin' at you," he muttered, frowning.

            "What's wrong with that?"

            "He shouldn't be doin' it, 'specially not to you."

            "Why? Are you implying something here? Am I _really_ that unattractive?" I asked, feigning heartbreak.

            "He just shouldn't. You're a respectable girl. He's not supposed to be ogling you so bad. I'm gonna over there and set him straight." Danny stood up, fists clenched.

            "Jesus, Walker, calm down! Sit now, and finish this damn soda. Let them stare; it doesn't bother me. It's not like I want them to or anything, but I wouldn't touch the likes of them for all the money in the world so they can stare all they like."

            "You wouldn't go out with any of them?"

            "Heck no."

            "Why not?"

            "First of all, wouldja listen to them over there? Hootin' and hollering like it's a damn circus in here. They're too immature for my likes. Secondly, look at the way they eye me. Like I'm something to play with and toss out when they're done. I want someone who loves me. And someone I can sit with and be quiet with and _talk to_. I wouldn't be able to talk to that guy over there about anything. I mean, I can talk to you. _That's _talking. But them? All they do is grunt."

            Danny looked at me, his eyes sparkling. He was awful handsome, and I knew it. Lord did I know it.

            "So…are you coming with me and Rafe tonight?" he asked shyly, his eyes on my finger as I traced circles on the wooden counter.

            "Where?"

            "Well, we're goin' over to Stanley Road. Rafe wants to drink. I just wanna watch the stars a bit."

            "Will there be any meteors, like those ones we saw a few weeks ago?" I questioned excitedly.

            "Maybe, if we're lucky. But you have to come, Susie. It'll be boring without you."

            "Oh really?" I smiled teasingly.

            "No, honestly…I'll be by myself otherwise. You know how Rafe is when he drinks…he'll wander off somewhere and leave me alone. And I thought maybe I could be alone with you for a while. I like talkin' to you."

            I was nearly exploding with the urge to scream out a resounding "YES!" when I noticed Rafe sauntering in the door.

            "I'd love to come," I whispered, placing my hand gently on top of his. It was a friendly gesture, but I felt him shiver slightly.

            "Hey you guys!" Rafe bellowed, pulling up a chair to our sides. "I got some of Pa's liquor for tonight!" He grinned devilishly and pulled it out of his shirtsleeve.

~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Hey, you awake?" Danny whispered into my ear, stirring me back into reality. I had become lost in a daydream about times past, specifically the day we had sat in this very diner and initiated what would later that night evolve into our first romantic encounter.

            "This place brings back so much," I laughed, squeezing his hand as we walked up to the bar.

            An old man hobbled away from the soda machine and stared at us curiously.

            "Well, I don't believe it," he gasped, a huge smile spreading across his worn-down face. "Danny Walker and Susie McCawley? _Little_ Danny Walker and Susie McCawley?"

            "None other," Danny responded with a grin.

            "Why boy, I thought you'd gone and died!"

            "No sir, just a mistake in the papers. I'm home now, and with my girl."

            "Why, I haven't seen you since the week you left for that darn Air Force. It's been a long time, Danny, I'm glad to see you back here."

            "And you too, Mr. Haverford. I've missed you're ice cream sodas," Danny said, laughing, as they embraced over the bar.

            "Well let me get you both one on the house then," he exclaimed, calling to a young boy behind the counter to fix us our sodas. "And you, Susanna, how have you been holding up these days?"

            "Oh, all the more better now that Danny's come back to me," I said happily, kissing Danny on the cheek.

            Mr. Haverford hooted.

            "You two are just as darlin' as you used to be. But you're alright now, what with Jack dyin' on ya? He was a good fella." He shook is head in sympathy.

            I looked up at Danny, who had a strange look on his face. He looked angry at the mention of Jack, and rightfully so.

            I stood up on my toes and leaned into him.        

            "Don't think about it now," I whispered into his ear soothingly. "We'll talk about it later, okay? Right now, I want to be here with _you_. I don't want to think about Jack."

            He flinched at the mention of the name and nodded.

**A/N:** ~whew~, I'll try and make that chapter a little bit better when I have some time. Did you all like it? Next, Danny and Susie talk about Jack and Danny expresses his feelings considering it. I need help with ideas about where to go from there. Should someone get sick and die? I need ideas! PLEASE, if anybody wants to help me out, feel free to e-mail me ideas at Luxieb73@aol.com    Thanks everybody!!! PLEASE REVIEW! Remember, it only takes a second. AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (even though it's Christmas eve right now)


	12. Lost

            People rushed in and out of Haverford's Diner in a frenzy as Danny and I sat alone in a booth toward the back, in a dimly lit corner.

            Danny barely spoke a word to me, but continued to watch me as I sipped on my ice cream soda.

            Finally, I had had enough of the awkward silence and grabbed onto his jacket sleeve from across the table.

            "I never loved him the way I love you," I whispered intensely, staring deep into his pained eyes. "You have to know that. I just thought that if you saw me moving on, from wherever you were, you'd think I was happy and be at peace. He was more of a friend than anything else, and never as good of a friend as you."

            "You've hardly ever mentioned him," he muttered, looking away at the wall. "It's like you don't want me to know about him."

            "Jack was a good man. Respectable. And he idolized you and Rafe to no end. Had you come back while he and I were married I can guarantee you that he would've told me to leave him and go back to you."

            "I understand that he was a good person, Suze. I just can't help bein' a little bit…jealous…you can sympathize with me on that, right?"

            I nodded, smiling tenderly at him as he blushed.

            "It's just that, I don't know…" he paused thoughtfully. "I guess I just wish that it had been _me_ who was there with you all that time instead of him. I feel like I missed out on whatever he had."

            "We have our whole lives ahead of us now," I murmured with a wink. "And now we _can_ be married and start everything over again."

            "I know, and I can't wait…but there are certain things that I don't wanna lose when we 'start over'," he said, grinning impishly.

            Before I knew it, there was a kick under the table to my shin and I had no choice but to fight back. Within minutes, we were laughing and yelping, our legs darting under the table with sneak attacks from every angle.

            Mr. Haverford walked over with the bill.

            "Seems you two are the same as you were 'bout a decade ago," he laughed, patting Danny's back. "It's good too see that the best things in life never change."

~*~*~*~*~*~

            Danny and I pushed through the front door into our living room, and heard Rafe talking excitedly on the phone in the kitchen.

            "Rafe?" I called, slowly making my way to where he was, "What's goin' on?"

            Evelyn rushed through the hallway to my side and tackled me with a hug.

            "Oh Susie!" she exclaimed, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm pregnant! After all this time, pregnant again!"

            She and Rafe had been trying to have a child for ages, and with Danny being four, it seemed only appropriate that they should have been blessed by a baby by now.

            "Ev, I'm so happy for you!" I shouted dancing around the room with her as Danny shook Rafe's hand and embraced him.

            "Oh and Danny and Suze _have _to be the godparents, Rafe, they just _have_ to be!" Evelyn gasped with a giggle.

            "Why, I'd be honored," Danny chuckled, hugging her and taking my hand in his.

            "How far along are you?" I asked.

            "Why, three months in fact," she responded shyly. "My morning sickness wasn't so bad this time around, and I really had no clue."

            I smiled at Rafe, who at that moment couldn't have looked any prouder.

            Little Danny rushed into the room, all smiles and chubby cheeks.

            "What's goin on?" He questioned, confused.

            Rafe scooped him up into his strong arms and beamed.

            "You're gonna have a little brother or sister."

~*~*~*~*~*~

_            …Six months later we experienced the biggest shock in all of our lives. At around one in the morning on September 23rd, bloodcurdling screams echoed through the halls of the house. Danny bolted upright beside me and pulled me up and out the door, towards Rafe and Evelyn's room. What we found will haunt me forever…_

            Rafe stood by the bed, tears streaming down his face as the doctor from town loomed over Evelyn's writhing form.

            "Push, Mrs. McCawley, push!" he urged, pressing a cold towel to her forehead.

            "Is she gonna be alright, sir?" Rafe asked nervously, fists clenched.

            "She's losing far too much blood," the doctor responded, sweat dripping down his brow.  "I don't know _what_ is going to happen."

            I rushed to Rafe's side and grabed his arm.

            "What's going on?" I shouted above the screams.

            "She-she went into labor, so I called the doctor in. But then something went wrong, and she might...she might…" he broke down and sobbed into my shoulder, enveloping me in his arms.

            Danny stood in the doorway, flinching with every cry. He looked scared, afraid to even look.

            Suddenly, a high-pitched wail, obviously not one of Evelyn's, broke through the anguish and the doctor let out a sigh. In his arms he held a tiny, red baby. A girl.

            "I will tend to the baby now and clean her," he said, approaching Rafe and I. He shook his head. "Your wife though…I'm sorry Mr. McCawley. She's lost too much blood. She's not going to make it for more than a few minutes. There's nothing I can do."

            Rafe's lip trembled and he walked over to his dying wife.

            "Oh Evelyn," he cried, clutching her hand to his cheek as she gasped and tried to focus on his face. "Don't leave me now, not now that we have this baby. It's _ours_ Ev, _ours_. I love you so much, you can't leave me."

            She looked into his eyes, her own glazing over in pain and desperation.

            "Rafe," she whispered hoarsely, "I-I love you, and I w-will forever. T-take care of the baby, tell h-h-her that her momma loved her so ver-r-ry much."

            And with that she breathed in deeply and a slow hiss escaped her mouth as she sunk down into the mattress and he hand dropped from Rafe's. Her vacant eyes seemed to stare at me, a look that I had seen once before.

            Rafe cried out once and then stood up, wiping a tear from his cheek and walking over to Danny and I.

            The doctor approached him again and handed him the little girl.

            "I'll call the coroner," he whispered tenderly, patting him on the shoulder with sympathy. "But right now you need to concentrate on the child. She needs your love and your care."

            Rafe nodded, and smiled gently down at the baby, kissing her softly on the forehead.

            "You look like your Momma," he cooed sadly. "But don't be sad; we can't be sad. Mommy wants me and you to be happy, me and you and your big brother. And that's what we'll do."

            "What will you name her?" I asked, trying not to look at the body on the bed.

            "I suppose I'll name her Eve, for her mother. Eve Susanna." He used his free arm to pull me to him and kissed me strongly on the top of my head. He didn't need to use words.

            "Hey there little Evie," he announced, sadness in his voice. "Meet your godparents, Danny and Susie. They're gonna help me take great care of you."

            Danny put his arm around Rafe and led him out of the room to wait for the coroner.

            I walked over to the bed and pushed the bloodstained sheets aside.

            Evelyn lay there, pale and cold but beautiful as ever. Her blue-green eyes stare into nothingness as I pushed her hair gently behind her ear.

            "Oh Evelyn," I whispered, crying softly. "How could you leave us now? You were my best companion all these years, my best friend. Who will I share my secrets with now?"

            A tear fell onto her porcelain cheek, sparkling until I wiped it away with a sigh.

            "I'm going to miss you more than you'll ever know. You taught me to learn acceptance, even when first impressions are horrible. I'll never stop missing you, Ev. I'll always love you."

            I stood up and stumbled into the hallway. Danny was there waiting for me and caught me in his arms as I collapsed onto the floor, sobbing.

**A/N:**I personally loved this whole idea…and the suddenness of it all. I mean, who would have suspected?? Please tell me what you think; I have soo many ideas for the plot now!! Next chapter: THE WEDDING!!!!!!! Please Review! And thanks to everyone who reviewed so far!!


	13. The Wedding

            _…It had been four months since Evelyn's death; the ground above her grave near the barn was just beginning to turn hard. Danny and I were still debating whether or not it would be appropriate to hold our wedding so soon after. Rafe was recovering well…Eve kept him occupied and happy, and little Danny was too little to understand the true meaning of what had happened. As for me, I was alright. After losing so many people at such a young age (although two of the four deaths were ironically false), I had become accustomed to the mourning process. I put flowers at her grave every day and "talked" to her whenever I got the chance. But time was becoming of the essence and Danny and I needed to plan…_

"I think we should have it in the Spring," Danny said, leaning back on his chair. I reached over the kitchen table and grabbed his shirt, pulling him forward so that he wouldn't topple over.

            "Spring would be nice, we could have it outside," I offered, writing "Spring/outside" on the paper in front of me.

            "Thing is, what if it rains? We should have the service inside, at that church in town and then we could have the reception outside, weather permittin'."

            "And you can wear your uniform," I laughed, smiling affectionately at him as he fingered his dog tags around his neck.

            "But what'll _you_ wear?" he asked, holding my hand over the table. "Not the same one you wore…before…right?"

            I shook my head violently.

            "No. This time it's going to be special. I've been waiting for this my whole life, and I'm goin' to make sure that my dress let's everybody know that."

            "How though? How are we going to afford something like a nice wedding dress?"

            "I'll wear my Mama's, that's all."

            Rafe waltzed into the room with Eve in his arms and little Danny holding onto his ankle.

            "Planning?" he asked struggling to move with the boy wrapped around his leg.

            "Yup," Danny answered with a grin. 

            "Well it's about damn time!" Rafe boomed, sitting down next to me. "I hope you'll be havin' it outside in the Spring…or at least you'll be havin the party here, right?"

            "Well, ya see," I began, showing him my notes, "We'll definitely be holdin' the wedding in the Spring, probably in May, right?" Danny nodded as I continued. "And since we don't know how the weather's goin' to be, we figured we'd have the vows take place in the little church down by Haverford's and then the reception could be outside. And yes, we'll be having the reception outside _here_."

            "Can I be in it?" Little Danny asked, tugging on my sleeve.

            "Of course!" I exclaimed, pulling him up onto my lap as Matthew ran at me and hugged my arm. "Both of you boys can be a part of it."

            "Yay!" Matthew yipped, pulling little Danny down and into the other room.

            "I'll go down tomorrow morning and see about that church for you two," Rafe said with a smile, standing up to stretch. "But at the moment, I'm gonna go do some dusting."

            He walked out the screen door and down toward the barn.

            Danny got up and kneeled behind me, putting his arms around my shoulder and whispering into my ear.

            "It's going to be the most important day in my whole life, Suze," he whispered happily.

            "Mine too, Danny. The most important day I'll ever have."

~*~*~*~*~*~

            _…On an early Sunday in May, the small Catholic Church in town was buzzing with excitement. Wreaths of pink and yellow flowers were draped over every door and window, and the people in the pews were hushed as Rafe walked me down the aisle to meet Danny, who stood in his Air Force uniform looking like a hero out of a movie…_

            As we neared the altar, I felt Rafe's grip tighten on my arm. I looked over at his face, wiser but not aged a bit since we were teenagers.

            "I can't believe this is finally happening," he whispered, his voice trembling.

            "Me either. I love you so much for bein' here with me," I said quietly, locking hands with him. 

            Finally, I looked up and met Danny's glistening brown eyes with my own, breathing sharply as Rafe let go of my arm and stood off to the side.

            "Hi," Danny mouthed, eyes wide.

            "Hey," I mouthed back through my veil.

            The priest began to speak and his words became jumbled as I thought about exactly what this moment meant. After all these years, Danny and I were finally going to be joined together for the rest of our lives. I gazed at him through the lace that covered my eyes and felt more love for him than I had had ever felt for any other person in my life, except, of course, for Rafe. But my love for Danny was different than that…my love for him ran deeper than the roots of the oldest trees in Tennessee. He was my soul mate, my one true love.

            "You may now recite your vows," the priest proclaimed with a tender smile.

            Danny turned to me and held my hand in his as he took the ring from Matthew and little Danny in his other hand.

            "Susie," he began shyly, his eyes wet and honest, "the circumstances here have kind of dealt us a funny hand, and there are things in my life, when we couldn't be together, that I regret. But I remember the first time that I saw you after I came back again. My heart stopped. They can take a human being and they can do a lot of things to him, but they can't take away his love...I know that there are a lot of people here today who might have thought that when I didn't come back, well, they might have thought that we were over...But we're not...Oh Suze, we are meant to be together and I'm so happy that we are. I love you; I always have and I always will."

            He gently slipped the golden band over my finger and grinned widely.

            Matthew ran over to my side and tugged on my dress skirt.

            "Here's yours, Mommy," he exclaimed, drawing adoring laughter from the crowd that filled the church.

            "Thank you darling," I said, giggling. 

            I looked up at Danny, the lace making him look like an angel. Drawing in my breath, I began.

"Danny, I love you...I thought I'd lost you and then I got you back...I always believed that having someone come into your life that you can love as fully and as completely as I love you is very rare and very special...I held on to that when you were gone, and it saw me through some unbearable pain...Most folks go through their whole lives and never have that, you know. Not us. We got to have it twice in this lifetime. I know what it's like to be without you for a month, for a week, for a day. For years... That's how long I hurt...but to be back with you now...We're more than blessed - we're twice blessed. I love you… I love you."

I took his hand and placed the ring on his finger.

"You may now kiss the bride," the priest announced joyously.

Danny put his arm around my waist and drew me close to him, looking deep into my tear-filled eyes as he lifted the veil. I stood up on my toes and put my lips to his. He leaned in and kissed me passionately, then pulled his face to the side of my head and breathed deeply.

"I love you," he whispered. "And now I have the rest of my life to prove it to you."

**A/N:** So what did you guys think? I'm sorry it took so long to write this, but my grandpa just died so my grandma Ruth had to come visit and, well, it's taking up a lot of my time to be with her now. I'm proud of this chapter, particularly the vows and the feelings I tried to show through them. Tell me what you think I can improve! In the next chapter, Susie is going to find a journal of Danny's from when he was a little kid until his last days before the Pearl Harbor attack. I'm going to branch that off into a sort of "Danny's P.O.V." thing…maybe a completely different story (a spin off?). but only if you guys approve…any other ideas in the mean time?? Let me know! PLEASE review!! Thanks!__


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